# Great-grandmother and the war
#### By Autumn Chen
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</script>It is the first time Lan finds herself alone with great-grandmother. In the sweltering Beijing summer heat, with the ceiling fan running at full speed and the windows all open, Lan lies sprawled on the threadbare sofa. She eats a slice of watermelon, letting red juice drip onto the towel beneath her chin. Great grandmother sits on a wooden stool, a book open on her lap. Instead of reading the book, she looks at Lan.
"Great-grandmother, what are you looking at?", Lan asks in her pipsqueak Mandarin.
Great-grandmother smiles. "So I can't look at you?"
"Why do you have to look at me? You can't look at something else?"
"When I look at you," great-grandmother starts in her matronly tone, "I remember back then. You are a lot like she was, I think."
(link-reveal: "\"Who was she?\"")[
"You really want to hear a story?"
Lan perks up. "Tell me, tell me!"
Great grandmother chuckles. "All right. Have you ever learned about the War of Resistance Against Japan?"
Lan nods her head, listening attentively.
"Yes, I was not much older than you back then. It was the year 1937. Back then we didn't just call it 1937. It was the [[26th year of the Republic...|Tianjin_1]]"]
### Tianjin, July, Minguo 26 (1937)
You wake up to an empty [[house|house_desc_1]]. You check the clock; it is still only seven in the morning. On any other day your [[parents|parents_desc_1]] would still be in the house.
"Mama? Baba?", you cry out, with no response.
Last night you saw them whispering with worried faces as they pored over the newspapers and fliers. The war with Japan was coming, or maybe it was already here. Your parents thought you were too young to understand, but it wasn't difficult. The whispers among the teachers at school and the newspapers the adults left behind told you all you needed to know, not to mention the sounds like distant firecrackers that reverberated through the thin walls.
Now, the sounds become closer. Explosions, they must have been, the sounds of the invading Japanese army and the Chinese army resisting them.
You are alone. What do you do? [[What can you do?|lan_comment_1]]
[[Find your parents|find_parents]]
[[Go to school|go_school]]
[[Stay in the house|stay_house]]
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</script>The house is a small courtyard house built with red brick in the traditional style. There is the room you sleep in, your parent's room, the kitchen, and the living room, surrounded by a brick wall enclosing a small patch of land.
*"Is it the house we're in right now?", Lan asks. "No. Back then I lived in Tianjin. And the house was much smaller, and we didn't have tiled floors."*
[[Back|Tianjin_1]]To be honest you aren't exactly sure what jobs your parents have. You think your mom is a teacher, maybe, while your dad is some kind of writer. They were always rather distant with you, not that they didn't want you, but that they had no idea what to do with you. You knew that they didn't get along with their parents, so maybe they wanted to try out something different with you, but they didn't know where to start. Still, they cared about you,
[[Back|Tianjin_1]]
Where might your parents be? This isn't the first time they were gone when you woke up in the morning. But they would always tell you before they left, or at least leave a note on the living room table.
Your mother usually teaches at Nankai University. Maybe that's a place you should check.
[[Enter Tianjin|tianjin_parents]]You know how to get to school by yourself, even though your mom always insisted on walking with you. It's a Monday morning, and school starts at 8. You should be going there anyways, and it's not too far of a walk. Whatever happens, school will continue.
You eat some leftover *mantou* and drink some *doujiang*, and leave for school.
[[Enter Tianjin|tianjin_school]]Your parents should come back. They've always come back before. But for some reason this time feels different. You look around the house, looking for any trace of where they might have gone. Nothing. Their bags are gone, as are their daily work clothes. Their room is messy, the bed unmade, as if they left in a hurry. If they were in a hurry then it makes sense that they didn't leave a note for you.
Maybe if the war comes it would be better if you just stayed in the house. It could be much more dangerous outside.
[[Wait|wait_1]]
A layer of fog blankets the ground, or perhaps it's smoke. The air is choking, its odor sordid with human and mechanical excrement. The explosions creep ever closer to the city, and when you open your mouth you imagine the taste of burning flesh crawling up your tongue.
Nankai University is a long ways away, and the trams aren't running. You have to (link-reveal: "walk.")[
There are no vendors or hawkers lining the streets. Instead, crowds trudge north, towards West Station, heading against you. They are all kinds of people: women, men, children, some wearing laborer's garbs carrying their belongings in a sack, some wearing expensive Western clothes carrying suitcases. They were quiet, with nary a voice louder than a whisper. Soldiers in their gray and olive uniforms escorted the masses, some on horseback, with rifles slung behind their backs.
[[Continue|tianjin_2]]]A layer of fog blankets the ground, or perhaps it's smoke. The air is choking, its odor sordid with human and mechanical excrement. The explosions creep ever closer to the city, and when you open your mouth you imagine the taste of burning flesh crawling up your tongue.
Your elementary school isn't too far of a walk, just past the [[old city|walled_city_desc_1]]. You've walked this way countless times, but this time is (link-reveal: "different.")[
There are no vendors or hawkers lining the streets. Instead, crowds trudge north, towards West Station, heading against you. They are all kinds of people: women, men, children, some wearing laborer's garbs carrying their belongings in a sack, some wearing expensive Western clothes carrying suitcases. They were quiet, with nary a voice louder than a whisper. Soldiers in their gray and olive uniforms escorted the masses, some on horseback, with rifles slung behind their backs.
[[Continue|tianjin_2]]]Before the foreigners came this was Tianjin, a city surrounded by walls, with a bell tower in the center. Now the walls have been torn down. Normally the plazas would be overflowing with vendor stalls and food and shoppers, but now they are all gone, with nothing but the sticky odor left.
[[Back|tianjin_school]] It starts with the sound of airplanes. As if pulled by strings the crowds' heads turn skyward, as black dots thundered overhead. The bombs fall, and all semblance of order is gone. You couldn't see where the bombs fell, no one could, but it doesn't matter. The crowds scatter. You're pushed and jostled, and have to dodge being trampled. The soldiers fire in the air, shouting from horseback, but they only seem to make it worse. Screams. More airplanes and more bombs. It's deafening. You run south, towards your destination, but the crowds push and shove you aside. To avoid being crushed you move over to the side of the street, under the eaves.
You feel a [[hand.|tianjin_girl_1]]
You look over, and see a [[girl|girl_desc_1]]. She tugs on your wrist, gesturing you to follow, and you comply, since there's nothing better for you to do. She pulls you into an alleyway, away from the crowds, and looks you in the eye.
"What're you doing here by yourself?"
[[I'm going to school|girl_1_school]]
[[I'm looking for my mom and dad.|girl_1_parents]]
Finally you get a clear glance on her. Her round face is caked with dust, her short hair untied and messy. She wears a dirty gray tunic and ragged shorts, like some sort of beggar. Her black eyes are bloodshot, her gaze piercing and enigmatic. You have no idea why she's taken notice of you; normally two people like you and her would have passed each other on the street without a moment's notice. Does she want to be your friend? To help you? To rob you? Whoever she is, whatever she wants, she's the only person you can talk to right now.
*"Is she the person you said I was like?", Lan asks.
"Yes, it's her."
"How am I like her?"
"You'll see."*
[[Back|tianjin_girl_1]]
You wait, and it's not long before the war begins. It starts with the drone of airplanes overhead. Then come the booms of explosions in the distance. It's frightening, but the outside could be even worse. You keep on waiting, reading your textbooks to not have to think about the war outside. Meanwhile you start packing your belongings into a sack, just in case you'll have to leave.
The sounds of the battle grow louder. More airplanes and bombs. Gunshots that sound like firecrackers in the distance, cannons that sound like gongs. The Japanese soldiers must be coming closer. Maybe you should leave. Maybe you should look for your parents. What if the Japanese come to your house? What if the bombs hit?
[[Keep on waiting|wait_2]]
[[Leave|tianjin_leave]]
"I was going to school," you say.
"Really? All the schools have closed. The teachers are fleeing the city."
"Oh."
"You got a mom and dad?"
"Yes. But I don't know where they are now."
"Wanna try looking for them? Together?"
[[Say yes|girl_1_search]]
[[Say no|girl_1_no_search]]
"I was looking for my parents," you say.
"Where are they?"
"I was going to Nankai..."
"Ah, an intellectual. Wanna go together?"
[[Say yes|girl_1_search]]
[[Say no|girl_1_no_search]]
*"Couldn't you have looked for your friends? Called them?", Lan asks.
Great-grandmother forms a half-smile. "I wasn't like you. I never knew how to make friends easily the way you did. And besides, we didn't have a telephone in our house."
"What about other people? Relatives? Family friends?"
Great-grandmother shakes her head. "I don't remember. My parents' families didn't approve of their children. Their brothers and sisters didn't live in the city. We were all alone." She looks as if she's about to cry. "You're so lucky, to have a family that loves you."*
[[Back|Tianjin_1]]
Even though you've just met, you trust this girl. Or rather, you can't afford to not trust her, since right now she's probably your best friend in this city.
"Okay, let's go," you say. She grins and takes your hand, covering it with dust and sweat. "Wait, what about your parents?"
She shrugs. "Never had them. Anyway let's go."
[[Continue|girl_1_search_2]]
You don't trust this girl. Why should you? She's probably a thief or a beggar, the kinds of people the teachers always warned you about.
"I can go by myself," you say.
The girl frowns. "Don't you know? You're gonna die if you're alone. If the devils don't get to you the bandits will. I can help you."
You think for a moment. What if she's right? And what's the worst that could happen? Your mom should know how to deal with this girl. Once you find her everything will be alright.
"Okay. Let's go together."
The girl smiles, and takes hold of your hand. "Let's go."
[[Continue|girl_1_search_2]]
The two of you head south, hand in hand, with her leading the way. She takes you through alleyways, avoiding the main streets and the crush of soldiers and refugees.
"Nankai University?", the girl says, a little incredulous. "How do you know they'll be there?"
"It's a guess."
The girl grunts. "Better than nothing."
It's almost six *li* (three kilometers) to Nankai. As the two of you go towards your destination, the war gets closer and closer. Soldiers shouting ever more desperately, running instead of orderly marching as they head towards the front. More airplanes, more bombs; the sounds are almost like drums marking the passage of time. On the way you pass by your old school, empty as expected.
You're getting tired, and she notices. "Let's stop for a minute," she says.
[["What's your name?"|girl_1_name]]
[[Stay silent|girl_1_food]]It's better for you to stay in the house. The guns and shooting are all outside. Inside there's food and water and brick walls protecting you. School is probably cancelled. Your parents still aren't back.
More bombs and gunshots, becoming like the chimes of bells on the distance. It doesn't seem real. They had been speaking of war ever since the [[Marco Polo Bridge Incident]], but your parents did not think that a full blown war would really start.
Amidst the gunfire you hear a knock on your door.
[[Open the door]]
The alleyways in front of your house are empty. Where can you go? Look for your parents? Your mom might be at Nankai University, where she usually works. That's as good a guess as any.
You head south through the old city, walking past refugees heading towards West Station and soldiers in their mismatched uniforms heading to the battle. The initial wave of bombings must have passed, but every time an airplane roars overhead, the crowds' heads turn skyward, as if pulled by strings. Maybe it's a bad idea, leaving the safetly of the house. What if your parents aren't there? What if the Japanese catch you in the streets?
Suddenly you feel a [[hand.|tianjin_girl_1]]
"What's your name?", you ask.
"What's yours?", she snaps back.
"My surname is Zhang. I'm called Xiaoyun."
"My name's Yan."
"Is that your surname or your given name?"
She shrugs. "Either is fine."
After a few moments of calm she gets up, and gestures you to follow.
[[Continue|tianjin_nankai]]
(set: $yanNameKnown to true)As you remain silent she takes a look at you. "Wait here," she says, and runs into a closed shop. She rushes out a minute later, holding a bundle of *youtiao*.
"You looked hungry," she says, and hands you one of the fried dough sticks.
"Where did you get this?", you ask.
She shrugs. "If we don't eat it no one else will."
You bite down, not caring for the moment about all the school lessons on being a good person. The *youtiao* is still fresh and crispy. You were hungry, and now you're a bit less hungry.
After a few moments of calm she gets up, and gestures you to follow.
[[Continue|tianjin_nankai]]
(set: $yanNameKnown to false)It's a while before the [[Nankai gates|nankai_gates]] are within sight. The two of you had to walk across a bridge, crossing paths with more refugees and soldiers. Gunshots came from the direction of the Japanese concession, and (if: $yanNameKnown)[Yan](else:)[the girl] tugs on your hand harder as she runs from the shooting.
The Nankai buildings are in sight, along with the [[soldiers|nankai_soldiers]] now commandeering them. The soldier in front of the gatehouse looks at the two of you. "What are you doing here?", he shouts.
(if: $yanNameKnown)[Yan](else:)[The girl] looks at you.
[["I'm looking for my parents."|nankai_look_for_parents]]
Nankai University must have been one of the most beautiful places in China. Your parents took you to strolls along the garden and temples with their perfectly manicured and verdant greenery. The buildings were a mix of Chinese and Western style, all costing a fortune to build.
*"Nankai University still exists today," great-grandmother says. "Someday, you might go there, if your studies are good enough. That would be wonderful. But it's different, very different today."
*
[[Back|tianjin_nankai]]
There were usually some armed guards at the university, but never this many soldiers. They wore uniforms of a variety of colors, all with the Nationalists' Blue Sky White Sun emblem hastily sewn on. They walk about, smoke, and chat with each other. Most aren't carrying any weapons. But some wear a *dadao* ("big knife") on their belt.
[[Back|tianjin_nankai]]
"I'm looking for my parents," you say. "My mother is a teacher at Nankai. Her name is Wang Ailing."
The soldier shakes his head. "Sorry, little girl. Everyone's been evacuated. She might be on a train to the south by now. Go back home. It'll be safer there."
You look at (if: $yanNameKnown)[Yan](else:)[the girl]. "Let's go back to your home," she says.
(link-reveal: "You are about to turn around,")[ and right then, you hear the roar of an airplane overhead, louder than any you've heard before. It flies over the university and drops its payload. The shockwave knocks you back to the ground just as the deafening boom hits your ears. When you get up, a university building no longer exists, replaced with a ghost of fire and smoke.
"Run!", she shouts, and all you can do is [[follow.|nankai_run]]
]She tugs you along as she runs away from the site of the explosion. You're disoriented. You have no idea where she's taking you.
You run until you get to a bridge, and the gate to the foreign [[concessions.]], the French one specifically. Crowds of Chinese mob the barricaded gates. The European guards fire into the air, trying to scare off the crowds, but to no avail. A woman tries to climb the barricades. A guard shoots her, and she crumbles and falls away. The guards fire into the crowd. More people fall. The survivors run away, screaming about devils and bandits. You duck into an alleyway.
She looks at you. "What do we do now?"
[[Find a way to the British Concession|nankai_stop_running]]
[[Go home|nankai_go_home]]
*"What was the 'Marco Polo Bridge Incident'?", Lan asks.
"It was the first real battle of the war. No one knows who fired the first shots, but the battle happened near Beijing- it was called Beiping back then. They fought at a bridge, called the Marco Polo Bridge because when Marco Polo visited China he wrote about that bridge."*
[[Back|wait_2]]
You open the gates. A [[girl|girl_desc_home]] is standing in the doorway. She looks ragged, like a beggar, with dirty gray clothes and a round face caked in dust. She can't be much older than you, or much younger.
"Can I come in for a little while?", she asks. "It's too scary outside."
[[Yes, let her in.|home_come_in]]
[[No, tell her to leave.|home_no_enter]]
*"What's a concession?", Lan asks.
"A long time ago, many foreign countries wanted to control China. They went to war, and when they won they forced China to give up some of its land. So other countries, Japan, Britain, France, Germany, and so on now owned the land in Tianjin. At the start of the war Japan didn't attack the Europeans."
*
[[Back|nankai_run]]
"I think we should wait here for now," you say.
"And do what?"
"I think... maybe there's a way we can get into the British concession. We should be safe there."
"Didn't you see what they did?"
"Yes, but, that was the French Concession..." Your parents took you into the British Concession a few times; your father had some business there. And you speak some English from school. Maybe if you told the guards about your father they would let you through? It's worth a chance.
You explain your ideas to (if: $yanNameKnown)[Yan](else:)[the girl]. She shakes her head. "Well, that's the best we've got."
The two of you walk to one of the side gates of the British concession. The gate is devoid of any mobs, guarded only by two bored-looking Europeans.
[[Approach the guards|concession_approach]]
"Let's go back home."
"To your house? Good."
The two of you walk back along the way you came from. Time is demarcated by the drums of explosions and gunfire. You avoid walking too close to the Japanese concession, taking a circuitous route around.
In the hour or two it takes to get to your house, not much has changed. It's almost as if the war is fading away in the distance, becoming background noise, or you're just getting used to it. Along the way she steals some food (a *mantou* here, a *baozi* there) and shares it with you; you're too hungry to resist.
[[Arrive|return_home]]
The guards glance at you without raising their rifles.
"Hello, sirs," you begin in [[English|english_1]], calling forth all the words you've learned. "My father works in here. We would like to meet him."
The guards smile. You don't understand what they say next but they gesture to let the two of you through, even if they glance a bit more closely at her.
The two of you [[pass|concession_enter]] through the open gate.
Normally your parents would shoo away people like this girl, but your parents are gone, perhaps never to return. So what's the harm of letting this girl in? Besides, she might be your only companion in this world at this moment.
"You can come in," you say. She smiles, and brushes the dust from her face.
"Thanks. It's bad out there. Worse than normal." She smells of grime and human waste, but maybe you're simply glad to not be alone.
"Can I eat something?", she asks. You show her to the kitchen, and she wolfs down a *mantou*, and then another. "This is delicious!" she exclaims.
As she is eating her face contorts, as if realizing something. "Where are your parents?"
[["I don't know," you say.|home_girl_2]]
"Sorry...", you start, but she interrupts.
"Please. I don't want to die. Can I talk to your parents?"
"Can you go to another house? Or somewhere else?" She is staring at you, and you try to avert her gaze.
"No. Who else will give me the light of day? Besides, I can help you."
"How can you help me?"
"Anything. I'll do anything you need me to do. Cook? Clean?"
"Okay, okay. Come in for now."
"Thank you so much, ma'am!"
She is nothing if not persistent, and you don't have the heart to slam the door in her face.
[[Let her in|home_enter_2]]
*"You speak English?", Lan asks.
"Yes. I do. My elementary school was a very good school, the educational level was very good for that time."
"My dad is going to America soon. America also speaks English. Did you teach my dad?"
Great-gradmother smiles. "No. I was a teacher, but not a English teacher."
*
[[Back|concession_approach]]"What do we do now?", she whispers in your ear.
To be honest you didn't think you would get in so easily. "I don't know," you reply. (if: $yanNameKnown)[Yan](else:)[The girl] only shakes her head, letting go of your hand and sitting on a curb.
It's a completely different world in here. Ornate [[buildings|concession_buildings]] line the streets. Gone are the masses of refugees and soldiers. The streets are mostly empty, the British taking shelter in their homes. They know that it's not them who would suffer in the war. Not yet, anyways.
You try to remember: where did your father take you? You pace around in circles, while she tries, unsuccessfully, to pilfer food from a vendor. Time passes, and the sounds of war gradually dissipate, or perhaps you've simply grown accustomed to them.
[["Zhang Xiaoyun!" Someone calls your name.|concession_enter_2]](if: $yanNameKnown)[Yan](else:)[The girl] takes a good look around your house. She runs her hand on the chairs and table, glances at the newspapers, and heads to the kitchen, wolfing down a *mantou*. "You have so much food! We could live here forever!" Meanwhile you look through the papers and shelves, searching for any trace of your paren
ts or any idea for what to do.
There is a knock at the door.
[[Answer the door|home_visit]]
## Part 2
[[Next|part_2_1]]"Oh. Guess it doesn't matter," she says. "We can live here for ages, what with all this food."
As she gorges herself upon the food, you pace around the room. It's a good thing that she's with you, right? She seems nice. And it's not like you have anyone else, with your parents gone. The two of you will be better than just you alone. What will happen in the future, though? What if your parents come back? What if the Japanese take over?
"What's your name?", you ask. "My name is Zhang Xiaoyun."
"Call me Yan."
"Is that your surname or your given name?"
"I dunno."
[[Talk more with her|yan_home_conversation]]
[[Read a book|yan_home_book]]
(set: $yanNameKnown to true)
The door opens to reveal a [[young European woman.]]
"Your father sent me to find you," she says in a thickly accented Chinese. "My name is Aima. Your parents are gone, but I can take you somewhere safe. It's a school for Chinese girls in the British concession. Here's a note from your father."
You read the note. "Daughter, I am sorry I won't be able to see you anymore. Stay safe. -Baba"
It's in his handwriting, and pithy as usual.
"Will you come with me now?"
[[Go with her|go_with_woman]]
[[Ask more questions|woman_more_questions]]
She looks incongrous in her black skirt and white blouse and heels, too well-dressed for a city at war. Her brown hair is loosely curled, and she wears lipstick. You catch (if: $yanNameKnown)[Yan](else:)[the girl] staring at her, but either she doesn't notice or she is ignoring her.
[[Back|home_visit]] "Can she come along with me?" You point at (if: $yanNameKnown)[Yan](else:)[the girl].
Aima frowns. "Who is she?"
"I'm a... cousin."
"Yes. She's my cousin."
"Your father never said anything about a cousin."
"Sorry, but she's very important to me. I won't go if she can't come with me."
She sighs. "Alright. She can come along too."
[[Pack up and leave]]
"My father never told me anything about this."
"Oh. Sorry. They must have left in a hurry. All I have is this note from him. And my word."
"What is the school like? Will I have to speak English?"
"No, no. The school is very good. It's a boarding school. There will be a place to live and meals for you."
"How much do we have to pay?"
"Nothing. Think of it as a special favor for your parents. They've helped us a great deal."
[[Go with her|go_with_woman]]
You take a sack and hand another to (if: $yanNameKnown)[Yan](else:)[the girl]. "Why did you do that?", she whispers.
"I dunno. You're my friend."
"Really?"
"Really." She gives you a strange look, and then starts to pack..
You pack your clothes and books, while she stuffs her sack full of food. Aima paces in the front yard.
"Ready to go?"
[[Go to the school]]
Aima leads the way. After the initial bombing it's as if the war has frozen. Refugees still crowd the streets. Cars, bicycles, donkey carts, all heading either to the train stations or out of the city. The woman walks quickly, ignoring the world around her. You almost have to run to follow along. When she notices that you're tired, Aima slows down, but not by much.
Once you arrive at the British concession she waves you through the guards, weaving through the crowd that gathered at the gate, ignoring their angry shouts. You try to avoid the eyes in the crowd. Are they jealous that you were being let in, while they were left to the Japanese? (if: $yanNameKnown)[Yan](else:)[The girl] squeezes your hand and pulls you past.
[[Arrive at the school|concession_go_to_school]]*"Many of the old buildings in the concessions are still around today in Tianjin," great-grandmother says. "You can still visit them, if you have time. Those buildings are still beautiful, but I can't look at them anymore without thinking of that time."
*
[[Back|concession_enter]]
You look around, and see a [[European woman]] waving at you.
"I've been looking everywhere for you! How did you get here?" Her Chinese is thickly accented. Before you could respond, she starts talking again. "Your father sent me to find you. Last night, before the Japanese came, he asked us to help you. You weren't at your house but I didn't expect you'd end up here. Here's a note from your father."
You read the note. "Daughter, I am sorry I won't be able to see you anymore. Stay safe. -Baba"
It's in his handwriting, and pithy as usual.
"I can take you somewhere safe. It's a school for Chinese girls here in the British concession. Please, come right away."
[[Ask more questions|concession_more_questions]]
[[Follow the woman|concession_go]]
She wears a black skirt and white blouse and heels, too well-dressed for a city at war but perfectly at home here in the concession. Her brown hair is loosely curled, and she wears lipstick. You catch (if: $yanNameKnown)[Yan](else:)[the girl] staring at her, but either she doesn't notice or she is ignoring her.
[[Back|concession_enter_2]]
She brushes her face and smiles at you as she enters the house. You look away.
"Can I eat something?", she asks. You show her to the kitchen, and she wolfs down a *mantou*, and then another. "This is delicious!" she exclaims.
As she is eating her face contorts, as if realizing something. "Where are your parents?"
[["I don't know," you say.|home_girl_2]]Her round face is caked with dust, her short hair untied and messy. She wears a dirty gray tunic and ragged shorts, like some sort of beggar. Her black eyes are bloodshot, her gaze piercing and enigmatic. Does she want to be your friend? To help you? To rob you? Whoever she is, whatever she wants, she's the only person you can talk to right now.
*"Is she the person you said I was like?", Lan asks.
"Yes, it's her."
"How am I like her?"
"You'll see."*
[[Back|Open the door]]You try to think of what you can say to her, but you can't come up with anything. Yan Yan looks entranced in the food. She picks at some pickled vegetables with her fingers.
"Aren't your hands dirty?", you say.
"What?"
Her hands are motted with gray and black splotches. "Shouldn't you wash your hands?"
"You got running water?"
"Yes?"
"Yes?"
"Huh." She ignores you and goes back to eating.
(link-reveal: "Eventually the two of you start to strike up a conversation.")[
You start by asking her what she likes to do. She likes to run around the city. She likes to catch bugs, cicadas and grasshoppers. She had friends among some other street kids in Tianjin, but she doesn't know where they are now. Maybe they're dead. She's seen kids die.
You don't know what to say when it's your turn to speak. You talk about how you like to read books. Yan Yan says she can't read. You talk about math and school, about your teachers. Yan Yan sits in silence.
"I must be so boring, right?"
"Maybe, but I like listening."
You look away. Maybe you blush. Yan Yan keeps on eating. You start to eat too.
It must have been hours when you hear a knock on the door.
[[Answer the door|home_visit]]
]
You take a math textbook and open it to the folded page, taking a pencil and starting on some of the problems. The problems they gave you at school weren't too hard, just worded strangely. They are somehow comforting, as if they remind you of the idea that one day things would be back to normal again. Or perhaps you just really like math.
Yan Yan looks over your shoulders as she bites on a *mantou*. "What's this for?", she asks.
"It's mathematics. From my school."
She squints at the words on the page. "Strange," she says. "What does it all mean?"
"What does what mean?"
"Any of it. I can't read characters."
"Do you want me to teach you?"
(link-reveal: "And you do, or at least you try.")[
You find your first grade *Guoyu* textbook and lay it in front of her. "Um, first, let's start with the numbers."
"But I know those already."
"Okay. Then let's just..." She snatches the textbook from you, and starts to read on her own, asking you for help when she doesn't know what a character means. It's enjoyable, in a way.
It must have been hours when you hear a knock on the door.
[[Answer the door|home_visit]]
]
It is Lan's first time back in China after eight years. Great grandmother's hutong was demolished a few years ago to make way for skyscrapers like the one she was living in now. It has 17 stories, and a slow and rickety elevator carries Lan and her parents up to the 11th floor. The Olympics were starting in a month, and the city was already unrecognizable. Cars, wide highways, traffic jams, clean subway cars, hutongs replaced by skyscrapers, everything in the city was different.
Lan does not wish to be called that anymore; it sounds strange, too weird. In America she goes by Christine. Christine Zhang. Although it's not as if anyone can pronounce "Zhang" either. She's taken to purposefully mispronouncing her name, so that people wouldn't constantly ask her how to properly pronounce it.
Great-grandmother is in bed when they arrive. She sits covered by blankets, back held up by pillows, with a notebook in her lap and a pen in her hand. As Christine and her parents enter the apartment, door opened by grandfather, great grandmother closes her book and looks up.
(link-reveal: "\"You've grown taller,\" she says to Christine.")[
Christine tries to smile. She is already 15 years old, on her fourth meeting with relatives in two days, and tired of it all. "Call great-grandmother," her mother says. Christine doesn't know what to say.
"Do you remember the story we told? The last time you were here, I was telling you about the war. I continued to think of the story. Now, you are looking more and more like her. Do you want to hear more?"
Christine simply looks confused. "What story?"
"From the last time we spoke. Do you think that I'm so old that I've lost my memory?"
"Sorry, but I must have forgotten."
Great-grandmother smiles. "Strange that I have better memory than you. It was about the time when I was your age. Back during the war. Do you remember now?"
"A little bit." Christine's parents are gone now, leaving Christine alone with great-
grandmother.
"Then may I continue the story?"
[["Um, okay?"|tianjin_1943]]
]The school isn't too far away once you're in the concession. It's a complex of European-style red brick buildings, with a fancy entrance and a fancy fence enclosing an athletic field and some gardens.
[["Welcome!", Aima says.]]
"My father never told me anything about this."
"Oh. Sorry. They must have left in a hurry. All I have is this note from him. And my word."
"What is the school like? Will I have to speak English?"
"No, no. The school is very good. It's a boarding school. There will be a place to live and meals for you."
"How much do we have to pay?"
"Nothing. Think of it as a special favor for your parents. They've helped us a great deal."
[[Go with her|concession_go]]
"Can I take her along with me?", you ask, pointing to (if: $yanNameKnown)[Yan](else:)[the girl].
Aima frowns. "Who is she?"
"I'm a... cousin."
"Yes. She's my cousin."
"Your father never said anything about a cousin."
"Sorry, but she's very important to me. I won't go if she can't come with me."
She sighs. "Alright. She can come along too."
(if: $yanNameKnown)[Yan](else:)[The girl] perks up when she hears that. "Why did you do that?", she whispers.
"I dunno. You're my friend."
"Really?"
"Really." She gives you a strange look.
[[Go to the school|concession_go_to_school]]
"What happened next?", Lan asks. "Were you safe then?"
There is a knock on the door. Great-grandmother is about to get up, but Lan opens the door first. It's Lan's mother.
"We have to go home," she says. "The flight is in one week. We have to prepare."
"Aww, but I don't want to go!"
"Be a good daughter and go with your mother," great-grandmother admonishes. "I'll continue the story when I see you again."
Lan leaves with her mother, leaving great-grandmother alone. She waves before closing the door.
[[Part 2|part_2_start]]
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</script>### Tianjin, July, Minguo 32 (1943)
You are hungry. Everyone is hungry.
Two years ago the British Concession was closed as [[Japan finally declared war on the Western Allies]], America and Britain. You remember the Japanese soldiers pointing their bayonets at the British and hired Chinese guards, who dropped their weapons without a fight. Columns of Japanese marched in to the concession, rounding up the foreigners and separating them from the Chinese. Your school was a refuge, but the Japanese control was inescapable. You were told to pledge allegiance to the collaborationist government in Nanjing. Portraits of Jiang Jieshi (Chiang Kai-shek) were ripped off, replaced by portraits of [[Wang Jingwei]] and the Japanese emperor.
At first things were not so bad. There was still food, not much but enough to keep everyone from going hungry. As the war dragged on, things got worse. The rations of rice and millet and flour grew thinner. Money became worthless. Some tried to steal from the Japanese; they would be shot if they were caught.
Meanwhile school continued as best as it could. The Chinese teachers who remained tried to maintain a semblance of normalcy, going through the classics, English, and math as if nothing was happening.
[[Continue|mahjong_1]]
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</script>This was in 1941, when the Japanese attacked the American navy base in Hawaii. War with Britain was also declared, and probably with Free France too. You had a respite of four years from war, four years of relative peace and happiness. It disappeared all too quickly.
[[Back|tianjin_1943]]Wang Jingwei is the puppet ruler of the "provisional" government of China, installed by the Japanese. He betrayed the Nationalist Party in order to join the Japanese occupiers in Nanjing.
[[Back|tianjin_1943]]
The bald man plays with the [[tile|mahjong_description]], spinning it between two fingers, as he rubs his beard thoughtfully.
"Alright. Throwing away this."
"*Hu*." You knock over your thirteen tiles, and take the tile the man discarded. The man groans as looks at your tiles, and he tosses a bag of rice at you. He is almost out, and you have the biggest pile of the four.
"Another round, another round," the bald man says.
At first the men would almost pretend you weren't playing. After all, why would a schoolgirl be good at mahjong? But they gradually wizened up. You were always good with math and numbers, but it was Mr. Wang from school who taught you how to apply math to something useful. [[Puppet currency]] was worthless, so you all bet with rice. With the rice that you've won from these games, the school's been able to serve a few extra bowls of rice gruel at dinner. Every little bit helps.
[[Play another round|mahjong_2]]*"Do you still know what mahjong is?", great-grandmother asks Christine.
"Yeah. I know."
"Do you know how to play? In America they must not play it very much-"
"I know."
"Okay. Maybe someday we'll play it together."
*
[[Back|mahjong_1]]
The currency issued by the Japanese puppet government might not have even been worth the paper it was printed on.
[[Back|mahjong_1]]
The explosion hits when you're washing the tiles. You hear it first, a loud boom the likes of which you haven't heard since the first invasion, and then out of the corner of your eyes you see a plume of fire and smoke. Then come the screams. The men get up, take their bags of rice, and abandon you, running towards their safety. Japanese soldiers start running through the streets, pulling random people aside, their harsh shouts echoing amidst the panicked voices of their captives.
You have to [[run.|bomb_run]]
You pick up your bags of rice and run towards the school. Suddenly you feel a tug at your shoulder. [[Yan Yan|yan_part2]] materializes at your side, wearing pants and a shirt rather than the school uniform. She takes you by the hand and pulls you, making you run faster than you ever thought you could, all the while laughing like a maniac. The gates of Yinghua Women's Academy are a comforting sight after evading the Japanese patrols.
Yan Yan looks ecstatic as you stop to catch your breath. "Haha! It worked! I told them I could do it!"
[["You could do what?"]]
You first met Yan Yan six years ago, back during the initial attack on Tianjin. She never knew how her name was written, or even if it was a given name or a surname. So now officially she's called Yan Yan, with the character for "strict" as her surname and the character for "swallow" as her given name.
The two of you were inseparable for a while. She didn't know how to read before, and you helped her to learn. You helped her with math, Chinese, English, and every class at school, until eventually she got grades at least as good as yours. And somehow, the two of you are living together now, sharing a tiny room in the school dormitory.
Sometimes you feel as if she is an entirely different person from the girl you met six years ago, and sometimes you feel as if she hasn't changed at all. She cuts her hair shorter now, leaving it in a bob like a modern girl. She's grown taller, of course, and now she's even taller than you. But she still has her big eyes and round face.
You feel like you've grown distant from her over the years, but perhaps you were never that close to her to begin with. You've realized that you barely knew anything about her. She means a great deal to you, but you don't know if you mean the same thing to her.
*"You said that I reminded you of her?"
"Ah. So you do remember something after all!"
"Am I still like her?"
Great-grandmother looks over Christine. "I would say you look more like her than ever
before."
*
[[Back|bomb_run]]
"I can help fight back against the [[devils.|devils_explanation]] We won't be able to shake off their yoke right away but it would be possible to gradually erode their presence in this country and- well, I've said too much."
"Slow down. What have you been doing?"
Yan Yan smiles. "Let's talk in private."
(link-reveal:"You walk to a corner under the old tree.")[
"I've been partaking in certain activities," Yan Yan says with an air of bravado.
"What do you mean?"
"The resistance." Her voice shrinks to a whisper, but still tinged with pride. "We've been fighting against the Japanese."
"Really? How?"
"You haven't guessed? The bomb. If it worked, and it did, it would have eliminated a big general."
"And you, what did you do?"
"I just helped to place the bomb."
[["Are you looking to die?"]]
]
*"Why is everything a devil?", Christine asks. "Chinese people call everyone who isn't Chinese a devil."
Great-grandmother smiles. "It's strange, isn't it? I don't know either. We used to think that we were the center of the universe and the center of all civilization, but we discovered that was false. And they made us suffer for it. So what then? Is it wrong? Maybe we shouldn't perpetuate hatred against foreigners? Who knows."
*
[[Back|"You could do what?"]]
Yan Yan laughs. "I certainly hope not! But if it comes to that, I'll-"
You look way from her face, and make some indescribable noise. For some reason you feel like crying.
"What? What's wrong?"
"I'm hungry. That's all."
"Well, I'm hungry too. I'm on kitchen duty tonight. Wanna help?"
"Okay."
[[That night|kitchen_duty]]
You stir the pots of rice and boiling water while Yan Yan stokes the fire with coal. Yan Yan is close to you, her arms touching your legs. It feels strange. You try to concentrate on the rice when Yan Yan pops up, running to get a wok and a bucket of... something. That something happens to be [[insects|insect_description]], some still writhing.
"This will be the best meal we've had in a year!", Yan Yan says. She pours a few drops of precious oil onto the wok and then adds the insects. There are cicadas and their cocoons, and grasshoppers and crickets. Yan Yan strips the wings before throwing them into the pan. The sound and smell of oil cracking makes your mouth water. She's really pulling her weight in food contributions, while all you can do is bring in some rice, if you win anything at all.
The two of you serve food for the girls in your [[dorm|dorm_description]], a bowl of watered down rice porridge and some fried insects. You ladle the porridge while Yan adds in some insects.
[[Eat|dorm_eat]]
*Christine recoils when great-grandmother mentions the insects.
"What's wrong? Cicadas used to be your favorite food."
"Really?"
"Maybe not your number one favorite, but you did enjoy cicada cocoons. They are very delicious!"
*
[[Back|kitchen_duty]]
The dorm is a red brick building on the far side of the schoolyard. It's not a big building, with two stories and perhaps 30 or so rooms. Some of the rooms are empty; there have not been enough new students to replace the ones who graduated.
There are a few other dorm buildings in the high school, some bigger, some smaller. The main classroom building is the largest building, and the most ornately decorated. Since the war the buildings have decayed. Everything has decayed, so it's not too noticeable.
You share a room with Yan. This situation only began this year, and you're not sure if it's an accident.
[[Back|kitchen_duty]]You sit at the side of a wooden table next to Yan. The weather is steaming this time of year, and the cooking makes things worse. Your sweat soaks through your clothes, but you've become good at not noticing such things. The sky is orange, and the sun's last rays leaking into the cafeteria through dirt-caked windows are the only illumination in the hall.
The table is surrounded by [[girls|parents_dorm]] of all ages, eating the food you and Yan Yan cooked. They seem happy with it.
[[Talk to Yan Yan]]
[[Talk to other girls]]
(set: $yanInteract to 0) (set: $liuInteract to 0) (set: $wangInteract to 0) (set: $joinGroup to false) (set: $yanFound to false) (set: $lookForYan to false)Yinghua Women's Academy spans all grades, from first grade to the end of high school. Your dorm was for the high school students, but there are younger students here, orphans taken in during the war.
Most of the girls at the school don't have parents living in Tianjin anymore. Some of them are orphans. Others have parents who fled when the war came, leaving their girl children behind.
You still don't know anything about what happened to your parents.
[[Back|dorm_eat]]"We did good, didn't we?", Yan Yan says.
Somehow you can't stop thinking of the words she said to you in the afternoon, but perhaps now is a bad time to bring that up.
"Yes, this is delicious," you reply. "Especially the cicadas."
"Of course! I caught them myself, and fried them myself so of course they'd be good."
As you sip from the rice porridge, Yan and some of the other girls are having a conversation about food (that's all anyone ever talks about these days). They're discussing where to find fruits and vegetables, and what you can bring to barter for them. The school has an abundance of books, but no one cares about books these days.
[[Interject in the conversation]]
[[Stay silent]]
(set: $yanInteract to it + 1)
Seated next to you is Liu Meijia. You've seen her around the school ever since you arrived, but you're not quite [[friends|friends_dorm]]. She has a European father (whom she apparently never met). And she is so pretty that it's hard for you to stop glancing at her.
"Oh, sorry," she says as her arm bumps against yours.
"No problem, no problem," you say too quickly, and she laughs. "What do you think of the food?", you ask, just to have something to say.
"It's really good! You made it rally tasty."
"Oh, well, Yan Yan did most of the work."
There is a lull in the chatter. Meijia goes on to talk to some other girls, and you're left alone again. All it means is that you can finish eating before your soup grows cold.
[[Clean up and go back to your room|bedtime_1]]
(set: $liuInteract to it + 1)
"I care about books," you begin. "If we forget about knowledge how will we rebuild our lives and our nation once this is done?"
"Ha!" Yan Yan laughs. "That sounds like the moral to some feudal parable. Who would care about books when they don't have enough food to eat? Except for scientific and technical books, we don't need any right now."
"But we need stories to live," said Meijia, the girl seated to your other side. "Stories and novels give us something to look forward to, something to help us forget about our troubles."
"What's with this bourgeois idealism? You can't eat stories or wear them or build houses with them. The best you can do is burn the paper in winter. Maybe the novelists should try their hand at doing something useful like plowing the earth."
"What do you think, Xiaoyun?", Meijia asks you. "We still need stories even in a time like this, right?"
[[Agree with Yan Yan]]
[[Agree with Meijia]]
There's no reason to talk now, and no one really wants you in their conversation. So you just eat in silence, pretending that there's no one else around you.
"What do you think, Xiaoyun?" You're broken out of your reverie by Meijia, the girl next to you. "Xiaoyan says that novels are unnecessary-"
"And they are," Yan Yan says.
"Anyway, I think that fiction stories are a good thing, because they let us imagine a different world."
"Oh, you're just a romantic waiting for a miracle to take you back to your capitalist lifestyle."
[[Agree with Yan Yan]]
[[Agree with Meijia]]"Well, I think that, um, scientific and technical books are more important than stories. Because science is useful in helping our society progress while being trapped in romantic stories only impedes progress."
Yan Yan beams, while Meijia looks wounded. "What about Lu Xun?", Meijia says. "Can you really say that stories like his impede progress? Why can't literature be progressive just as science is?"
"That's not what we were discussing," Yan Yan responds.
As they talk your porridge grows cold. You finish up the last of your bugs and rice, and as the others finish and put away their bowls, you have to get ready to clean up.
[[Clean up and go back to your room|bedtime_1]]
(set: $liuInteract to it - 1)
"Well, I think that, um, stories can be useful too, because they help people understand other people and themselves. Stories can raise national consciousness and awareness of social problems, like Lu Xun's stories."
"Well, I suppose novels can be useful for propaganda purposes," Yan Yan concedes.
"Yes," Meijia says, "but isn't there also space for stories that are simply there to entertain?"
As they talk your porridge grows cold. You finish up the last of your bugs and rice, and as the others finish and put away their bowls, you have to get ready to clean up.
[[Clean up and go back to your room|bedtime_1]]
(set: $liuInteract to it + 1)
It's been six years here, and you still haven't made many (any) friends (except maybe Yan). You've always preferred books to people, but it's something more than that, something indelible, something about you that's just, well, strange.
The loneliness is painful, sometimes, but recently you've been too hungry to care.
[[Back|Talk to other girls]]After you finish eating, washing the dishes, and cleaning the table, you navigate the darkened staircases and hallways up to your room.
The room that you and Yan Yan share is cramped, with a [[bunk bed]] and a desk, and a creaky window opening to the vegetable gardens in the school yard. You sleep on the top bed and Yan Yan sleeps on the bottom.
"Welcome back," Yan Yan says as you enter the dorm room. She is already lying on the bottom bunk, covered by the thin sheets.
"What do you think of me?", you ask. You think back to today's events: the bomb, Yan's profession of her revolutionary activities, and you keep thinking about Yan. It's as if you never knew anything about her. "I mean, I know I'm your friend but-"
"But what? You're my friend. What more is there?"
"That's the question. I don't know."
(link-reveal: "After a pause, you say, \"I don't want you to die.\"")[
"Is that it? Is that what you wanted to talk about?" Yan Yan sounds as if she's teasing you. "Look, we might all die soon. I'd rather die fighting than die starving."
"What if the war ends? What happens then?"
"You're already thinking about that? That's so bourgeois. We are not winning the war. Maybe America will in the end, but how long will that take? Maybe the rest of our lives will be like this." She is silent for a moment. "Don't worry about me. Good night."
She doesn't want to talk anymore. You don't know if you want to talk either. So you close your eyes, and try to sleep as best as you can.
[[Morning|morning_1]]
]
The bed is just a wooden board covered by some cotton sheets. It's not too comfortable, but it's better than sleeping on the floor.
[[Back|bedtime_1]]
After a dreamless night you wake up to the sun's rays shining in your face. You lie in bed for a moment, listening to the sounds of the city awaken.
When you get up Yan Yan is already gone. Usually the two of you would head to math class together in the morning, since every student in the grade has the same classes. It's never been the case that she left before you. You feel worried for a moment. Has she gone to her "group"?
[[Go to math class|math_class_1]]
[[Look for Yan|look_for_yan_1]]
Yan Yan will be fine. It's probably nothing.
Math class is taught by Mr. Wang. He used to teach at Nankai, but when the university was closed and its faculty evacuated, he somehow stayed in Tianjin. He's probably your favorite teacher, and maybe you're something like the teacher's pet. Just for you he teaches after school lessons, covering topics that normal students never learn. You like math, and you're good at math, so perhaps for those reasons alone Mr. Wang took attention to you.
Today is another class on trigonometry. In your private lessons Mr. Wang has already taught all of this stuff, so it's trivial for you. Instead you work on the advanced problems he had assigned to you. He had assigned a problem on multivariate integration. It's a rather straightforward problem, no complex theory, just an application of rules and tables. Probability and number theory were more interesting.
[[Go to English class|english_class_1]]
[[Look for Yan|look_for_yan_3]]
You would have to skip class to look for her. Do you really want to miss class? Really, she can take care of herself better than you can take care of her, so perhaps it's better if you just head to class.
[[Skip class|look_for_yan_2]]
[[Go to math class|math_class_1]]
Your first worry is that she might just be taking a long time in the bathroom. Of course she isn't there. Maybe she's sick? No, the nurse's office is empty. She has to be out in the city somewhere. But you would never find her there without some clues, some hints as to what she's doing.
[[Search the room]]
(set: $yanInteract to it + 1)
(set: $lookForYan to true)
Yan Yan does not have many posessions. Only her notebook lies on the desk, closed. Before opening it you glance at the door, as if her presence still lingers. You tell yourself that you won't look through the notebook, that you'll only look on the last pages, that this is for her benefit.
Between the last pages of the notebook is a torn out piece of paper, with an address in the city scrawled on it. There's a date written, too, today's date. This is too obvious; you wonder if she wanted you to follow her.
[[Go to the meeting site]]
[[Go back to class]]
Aima, or [[Miss Maxwell]] as she asks her students to call her now, teaches the English class here. She's one of the few foreign teachers here to have stayed on after the Japanese took over. The Japanese sometimes force her to go with them to do something, maybe decode Allied messages. Perhaps that's why she's still free, or why the school still exists.
Today the class is supposed to read a new English short story. It's called [["An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge"]]. Miss Maxwell goes on a long ramble about why she chose this story, about its relevance for the situation of all of us today. The story is confusing, and you're reminded of why English is your worst subject.
[[Next class|class_break_1]]
After math class, Yan Yan is still nowhere to be seen. You ask Mr. Wang, and he hasn't seen her today either. Your next class is English class, and you ask the English teacher whether she's seen Yan. The answer is still a no. You're beginning to get worried, so you return to the dorm room, looking for any trace of where she's gone.
[[Search the room]]
(set: $lookForYan to true)
She is the woman who brought you and Yan Yan to the school back during the invasion of Tianjin. After the war finally reached the concession, she started to changed. Her face had grown sallow. She no longer wore makeup, and started to wear the gray tunics of Chinese peasants in place of her Western clothes (except on the days when she meets the Japanese). And she is no longer trying to mold all of you into perfect British schoolgirls.
[[Back|english_class_1]]*"I've read that story in school too," Christine says. "How do you still remember it?"
Great-grandmother stifles a chuckle. "To tell the truth I don't remember all the details of my story. Perhaps I didn't read it that day. Perhaps it was a different day, or a different story. But I did read the story later, when I finally understood enough English. It was an interesting story."
*
[[Back|english_class_1]]
The class after lunchtime is Chinese. You've already mostly moved past the memorizing characters portion in high school. Now you're on to reading actual literature, both modern and classical. The teacher is Mr. Qian, another former university professor, but from Peking University. His lectures are droning, going on and on about various personages historical and fictional. He's having your class read the old story *Dream of the Red Chamber*. The classics have never been your thing; you prefer modern literature.
[[Next class|yan_back_from_meeting]]
The meeeting site is in the western end of the city, not too far from where your family lived before the war. First you change out of the school uniform and into inconspicuous clothes. There are no guards at the school anymore, so it's easy to sneak out. You make your way through the [[city|tianjin_war_description]] as quickly as you can without breaking out into a run.
The address leads to a small house, no different from any of the ones around it.
[[Knock on the door]]
(set: $yanFound to true)
You know where Yan Yan probably is, which is good enough for your peace of mind. She might not want your attention, and you would be able to find her if you needed to.
There's still time to go to [[English class.|english_class_1]]As much as the city has changed, it's returned to a sort of new normalcy. The market uses barter instead of currency, but it's still there. Japanese soldiers and police patrol the streets, but many of the old police and city workers are still on the city's payroll. The concessions, with the exception of the Japanese one, have all been dismantled. Some of the damage from the bombing has been repaired, but there are plenty of buildings still with bullet holes in them.
[[Back|Go to the meeting site]]
You knock on the metal door with three gentle raps. There are footsteps, and then the door opens just a peek. An eye looks you over before the door opens in full.
"Little girl, who are you?", the woman opening the door barks. Then Yan Yan walks over.
"It's okay, I know her. Let her in." As you walk into the courtyard Yan Yan whispers to you, "I was hoping you'd find me. Did you find the note?" You nod.
In the house five people stand around a table, not including you. There are two women and two men, and Yan. The woman who greeted you at the door is apparently named Chen.
"How about you introduce yourself?", Chen asks.
[[Introduce yourself]]
"My name is Zhang," you say. "I'm a student at the same school as her."
"And why did you come here? Did Yang invite you?" She must have called herself Yang here.
"She found this place herself," Yan Yan interjects. "But I trust her entirely."
"How did she find out?", Chen asks nervously.
"Do you have the note?", Yan asks. You hold up the piece of paper from Yan's notebook. "I left this behind."
One of the men starts to speak. "So, Xiaozhang, what will you do now? You can either join us, or leave right now and forget this place forever."
"What... do you do here?", you ask.
"I suppose you might be able to guess," Chen says. "Did Yang ever tell you?"
"She might have," you say.
Chen glares at Yan, who is unfazed. "We are a patriotic group combatting the occupation. If you join us you will help us to plan and carry out our operations."
[[Join them]]
[[Leave now]]
(set: $yanInteract to it + 1)Before the next class starts, you have a break. Brunch is a millet soup and a few pieces of pickled vegetables and crackers, just enough to stave off hunger.
(if: $liuInteract > 0)[Liu Meijia sits next to you as you start eating. "Where's Yanyan?", she asks.
(if: $lookForYan)["I know where she is," you say. "She left to go to the city."
"And she didn't take you?"
"Yeah. I think she wanted to be alone."](else:)["I don't know where she is," you say.
"Oh, but you're always with her. Shouldn't you know before anyone?"
"I don't know her that well..."
"Really?"
"Yeah..."]
You finish your soup as Meijia continues to chat about nothing in particular. You could always count on her to be a pleasant presence.](else:)[You sit alone, shoving the soup into your mouth. The taste isn't actually too bad. After you finish eating, you wander around the school yard for a bit. It's lonely here without Yan.]
[[Next class|chinese_class_1]]
"I'll... I'll join you."
"Are you sure?", Yan asks. "You don't have to. It's dangerous, like you said before. You might die."
"We might have to kill people," Chen says. "Not just the devils. Innocent people might be killed, and not always by accident."
[[Join them|join_group_2]]
[[Leave now]]
"Sorry, but I can't..."
"It's fine," Yan Yan says. "Really. Now go back to school and pretend this never happened."
Chen shows you the door, while Yan Yan waves at you with a mix of relief and sadness. You make your way back to the school.
[[Go back to school]]
"I know. I still want to join."
Yan Yan looks at you, then looks away.
"Thank you. Are we all in favor?"
"Another little girl?", a young woman says. "Don't we have enough children in the group?"
"Comrade Yan has been extraordinarily effective, don't you agree?", a bespectacled man replies.
"I suppose so. But how can we trust her? How do we know that she would actually be able to do things? Yang, what do you think?"
Yan Yan sighs. "Zhang is smart and dependable. I would trust her with my life."
"Shall we have a vote?"
First Chen and the man's hand raise up, followed by Yan, then the other two. Chen looks at you sternly. "Comrade Zhang, will you promise to serve the people, and never betray your comrades?"
"Yes."
"Welcome, then."
Really, though, why did you want to join?
[[Because of Yan Yan]]
[[Because of patriotism]]
[[Because of something else]]
(set: $joinGroup to true)
You joined because Yan Yan joined. But why in particular?
[[To protect Yan Yan]]
[[To be with Yan Yan]]You joined because you really do want to free China from the Japanese occupation. Back in the prehistoric era, your parents were always patriots, talking about how to transform China to rid the country of the imperialists and oppressors. You've listened to them, and perhaps you've adopted some of their beliefs. Not to mention, you've seen what the war and occupation meant. Maybe by fighting back you would be able to save innocents from the Japanese.
[[Continue the meeting]]
(set: $motive to "patriotism")
Perhaps it's simply because you want something to do, something besides waiting to die of starvation. Perhaps it's because you wanted to prove yourself, to prove that you were capable of doing something. Perhaps it's some indescribable feeling, like a com
pulsion.
[[Continue the meeting]]
You want to protect Yan. You have no illusions about your capabilities, but just being with her might stop her from doing anything especially dangerous. Maybe you'll extend her life expectancy a bit.
[[Continue the meeting]]
You want every opportunity to be with Yan. She's probably your best friend. You care for her more than anyone else right now, and every moment you spend with her feels like bliss.
[[Continue the meeting]]
The meeting starts with introductions. The woman who greeted you is Chen, who looks like the oldest, and the leader. There's Lin, a thin, bespectacled man wearing a collared shirt. Ma is a bearded, bulky man obviously carrying a pistol in his tunic's pocket. Gao is the last one, a young woman in a qipao. Yan Yan is the youngest among them.
Chen, who somehow has contacts with both the Nationalists and Communists, starts your initiation into the group by giving an overview of the war that the Japanese censors would not allow. The war in the Pacific is slowly turning against Japan, with victories by America in far-flung islands. The situation in China is worse. The Nationalists are dealing with famine in territories they control, while the Communists are holding back their main forces.
You learn that one of Chen's sons is in [[Chongqing]], and the other is in [[Yan'an]]. They can somehow pass messages to her, and she helps with intelligence and sabotage missions. The next mission is a small sabotage mission, nothing so flashy as a bomb, just cutting up some railroads.
[[End the meeting]]
By the time you get back to school, lunchtime is over. You are starting to feel hungry, so you eat some of your stashed food, peanuts and some dried fish. It's not much but it's enough to keep you awake through the day. What class would it be now? Chinese class might still be going on, but the teacher doesn't like late entries. So you sit in your dorm room, reading Mr. Wang's math assignment.
It's almost an hour before Yan Yan comes back into the room.
"I'm sorry I dragged you into this," Yan Yan says. "It's a good thing you didn't join them."
"Oh. I don't know."
"Well, it's true," she declares.
Yan Yan leaves for her classes, and you prepare to go to Mr. Wang's private lesson.
[[Go to class|after_school_math]]
Chongqing is the capital city of the Republic of China. The government retreated from their old capital of Nanjing when it was captured back in 1937.
[[Back|Continue the meeting]]
Yan'an is the home base of the Communist Party. The Communists set up their base in the city after their Long March around ten years ago.
[[Back|Continue the meeting]]
When the meeting is over, Chen tells everyone to leave at different times, to prevent attracting attention as a gathering of people. You wonder if that might be more suspicious, but you don't voice your concerns.
Yan Yan takes your hand as you leave. You feel a jolt. "I'm sorry," she says. "I shouldn't have played this trick. I should have just told you to not come."
"Why?"
"I wish you didn't have anything to do with this. You might be hurt."
"Well, it's too late now, right?"
Yan Yan lets out a long breath. "Yes." She leans against you. The air is humid and hot, and you're sweating.
"Do you want to get some food?", she asks, and you almost jump.
(link-reveal: "\"Of course.\"")[
The two of you go to a food stand, and Yan Yan trades a few precious coins for two bowls of beef noodles.
"You don't need to buy anything for me!"
"Please. It's no big deal."
"But really, I have coins too."
"I love you, okay?" At those words you shut up, too shocked to try to stop her from paying.
As the noodles come up your mouth starts to water, and you can hardly control yourself. You wolf down your noodles, and Yan Yan does the same.
[[Back to school]]
]
After Chinese class, as you walk across the school yard, you see Yan Yan walking through the gates. It's certainly her, wearing a her standard peasant garb instead of a school uniform.
[[Greet her]]
[[Ignore her]] After you and Yan Yan get back to school, the first thing you want to do is prepare for Mr. Wang's after school math class. Before you go to his class, you check your room, and grab your books. You're completely unprepared, and hope he won't mind.
[[Go to class|after_school_math]]
"What is it? Last words in case something bad happens to either of us?"
(link-reveal: "\"I...\"")[ Finally you begin to realize what you've felt. But how are you supposed to say something like this? 'I love you'? No, you could write entire poems about this, about her. But now's not the time for (link-reveal: "poetry.")[
You climb down from your bunk, and sit on hers. Reaching in the darkness you place your hands on her cheeks. You close your eyes and lean in for a kiss on the lips, but you miss, kissing her eyelids instead. So you try again, and this time your lips find hers. Your whole body is trembling.
(link-reveal: "\"I didn't know how to say it, so I just...\"")[
Yan Yan laughs. It's a laughter that somehow sounds more genuine than any time she's laughed before, as if something in her heart has been awakened for the first time. She pulls you close with her arms, and you hit your forehead on hers. She only laughs harder before kissing you on the lips.
[[Euphoria washes over you.]]
]]
](set: $yanInitiates to false)
She pulls you closer, until you feel every inch of her body against yours. The two of you lie there in the hard wooden bed, holding on to each other as if it is the only thing keeping you alive. And maybe it is.
Yan Yan is crying now. Or maybe you are. You feel tears drip down your cheeks, and wipe them away.
"Good night," she whispers.
[[Fall asleep|wake_up_together]]
The math sessions with [[Mr. Wang]] might be your favorite classes at school. With only the two of you in the classroom, the room seems large and empty.
"How was your homework?", Mr. Wang asks. "It shouldn't have been too hard for you."
"It wasn't," you say, and hand him your notebook. He pages through it, and nods.
"Good. Now we'll move on to other applications, from probability this time." He writes the problem on the board. "How do you prove that the volume under this curve is equal to one?"
[["Convert it into polar coordinates and take the integral in the limit?"|after_school_math_2]]
You wave to Yan as you run towards her. She notices you being more enthusiastic than usual, and waves back, embracing you with open arms as you run up to her.
"What were you doing all this time?", you ask.
"Oh, I was just..." She looks away from you. "Sorry. Tell the teachers I'm sorry."
"That doesn't matter anymore. Why were you gone?"
"Oh, are you going to interrogate me now?" She lets go and glares at you, before touching her forehead and sighing. "It's fine. It's something I have to deal with by myself. You shouldn't get involved."
She walks away without another word. You have to prepare for your next class.
[[Continue|after_school_math]]
(set: $yanInteract to it + 1)For some reason you just don't want to see Yan Yan right now. You hope she doesn't notice you as you walk away, back to your dorm. Your heart beat rises as you consider the thought of seeing her again; it's too nerve-wracking and you have no idea why. And anyway, you have to prepare for your next class.
[[Continue|after_school_math]]
Mr. Wang was formerly a mathematics professor at Nankai University. Even during the deprivations of war he keeps up his intellectual appearance, with clean white shirts, black pants, and thick square-rim glasses. He can be a bit harsh or impatient to those he deems underachieving, but you've never been on his bad side.
According to him, to catch up with Japan and the West, China needs more mathematicians and scientists. In other places women wouldn't be allowed to become scientists, any place but Yinghua. The nation needs women like you. That's why you're special to him, why he takes his time out to teach these lessons.
"Mathematics isn't just about solving problems and memorizing formulas," he always says. "It's a way of thinking. To be a mathematician you have to think in a way that ordinary people don't."
You don't know if you think in a way that's different from ordinary people. Actually, you don't really know how you think at all, but you've never told him that.
[[Back|after_school_math]]
Dinner today is early, with more soupy porridge, with some dried meat shavings and cabbage. Clouds are beginning to gather in the sky. By the time you finish eating the sky is pitch black. With a candle you make your way upstairs back to your room. Yan Yan is waiting for you.
"I wanted to talk to you," she says.
(if: $joinGroup)[[["About what"?|bedtime_join]]](else-if: $yanFound)[[["About what?"|bedtime_found]]](else:)[[["About what?|bedtime_not_found]]]
(set: $yanInitiates to true)(set: $sleepTogether to true)"I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"For getting you into this mess." She pauses. "I've been having nightmares about this, in which I get captured. They torture me. I want to die but I can't even die. Instead I just suffer forever."
"That's horrible."
"I know it's not materialist to make decisions based on a dream, but, I can't help but think about that. I just don't want you to get hurt, that's all. Because you're a precious person to me."
Yan Yan becomes quiet.
[["I have something to tell you."|bedtime_found_2]]
[[Stay silent|You lie in silence for a moment.]]
"Sorry for being gone today. Did you wonder where I was?"
[["Yeah. Where were you?"]]
[["No. It's none of my business, right?"]]You go to the blackboard and start to write out your solution. Mr. Wang watches you, correcting some of your simple mistakes.
"Simple, right? Now let's think about it deeper. Consider a higher dimension space. What would you do in such a case?"
The class continues like this. He is always pushing you to think about things deeper, to consider every extension of the theory. Sometimes when he is on a tangent your mind drifts, and you think of Yan. You think through your theories, Mr. Wang's theories. What kind of probability distribution would she be? Maybe a Cauchy distribution, one with infinite variance because she is infinitely varied and unpredictable? No, she's not unpredictable. She's always predictable, but you fall for her each time. Then what kind of distribution are you?
You shake away these pointless thoughts and try to concentrate on Mr. Wang and the writings on the whiteboard.
[[Continue|bedtime_yan]]
"I'm glad you didn't join the group."
"You've already said that."
"I'll say it again. I was going to invite you, but I've been having nightmares about this, in which I get captured. They torture me. I want to die but I can't even die."
"That's... horrible."
"Haha. Yeah. I know it's not materialist to make decisions based on a dream, but, I can't help but think about that. I'm just glad you're not a part of it."
Yan Yan becomes quiet.
[["I have something to tell you."|bedtime_found_2]]
[[Stay silent|You lie in silence for a moment.]]"I don't know if I can tell you. Maybe it's better if you don't know."
"Oh." You lie back on your bed.
"Maybe this is too much, but, I wish we had been closer. I wish I had spoken to you more over these years."
Why are you saying this now?"
"It's because I care about you. I really do. And I guess that something bad's going to happen to me one of these days, so, you know, just saying this as a precaution."
[[You lie in silence for a moment.]]
Yan Yan sighs. "Yeah. You're right. Sorry about that." A pause. "Maybe this is too much, but, I wish we had been closer. I wish I had spoken to you more over these years."
"Why are you saying this now?"
"It's because I care about you. I really do. And I guess that something bad's going to happen to me one of these days, so, yo know, just saying this as a precaution."
[[You lie in silence for a moment.]]
"Hey, can you come down here?", Yan Yan says after a moment of silence.
"What for?"
"Just do it."
It's dark, and the candle is out. You feel with your hands and feet, carefully climbing down the ladder. Yan Yan stands up from her bed, and places her hands on your wrists. Your heart begins to pound. Yan Yan pulls you closer. Your bodies, thin and frail, are becoming as one, her arms wrapped around your waist, her face leaning against yours, her tears dripping against your cheek. She plants a kiss on your forehead.
"Sorry," she says. "I shouldn't have-"
[["Don't be."]]You awake to the patter of rain, and the sensation of Yan's body against yours. It's only now that you realize how cramped and uncomfortable the bunk is, and how your clothes and hers are soaked through with sweat. Yan's eyes are already open. She blinks.
"I'm sorry," she whispers.
"Why?"
"This place isn't the real world."
"What do you mean?"
"I shouldn't even be here. And now we're like this-"
You stroke her hair. "It doesn't matter."
Yan Yan sighs. "Let's get up."
[[Next|wake_up_together_2]]
You hold her head, moving your hands through her hair. You can't see anything, but touch is the only sense you need. You want to hold her more, to touch every part of her body.
(if: $yanFound or $joinGroup or ($yanInteract>2))[And Yan Yan brings you closer. She sits on the bed, and you sit next to her, still embracing. You kiss, on the lips this time. She lies down, and pulls you down on to her side.
[[Fall asleep|wake_up_together]]](else:)[But she lets go.
"This isn't right," she says. "We shouldn't be doing this."
"Why?"
She pushes your hand away. "It's wrong. I want to sleep now." She disappears under the bed. You climb up to your bunk, unable to think. Suddenly you feel so tired you're
about to collapse.
[[Fall asleep|wake_up_alone]]
(set: $sleepTogether to false)]
You awake to the sound of rain and wind. Yan Yan is already awake and dressed, sitting at the desk over her notebook.
"Good morning," you say.
"Good morning." Her voice sounds distant, as if you were a stranger.
"I'm leaving," she says. "Thank you for everything."
"Where are you going?"
Yan Yan sighs. "You can guess." She takes her umbrella and leaves. You still have to go to classes.
[[Go to school|stay_at_school]]
You get up before she does. She puts on her normal clothes, not her school uniform.
(if: $joinGroup)["We have to go to the meeting today," she says.
The two of you walk under one umbrella, holding hands, but in silence. The rain has forced everyone but the most foolhardy to stay indoors.
[[Go to the meeting|second_meeting]]](else:)["I have to go somewhere today," she says.
"Where?"
"You can already guess."
[["Why are you doing this?"]]
[["Good luck."]]]
Chen opens the door to the small house. "Welcome back, comrades," she says. Soon Lin and Gao and Ma arrive. They're all here today to discuss the operation that will be carried out soon, the sabotage operation. Chen pours six cups of tea, and the conspirators begin to speak.
(link-reveal: "There is a knock on the door.")[
Chen shushes everyone. They look at each other, and Yan Yan looks at you. Slowly, they begin to creep towards the back of the house, on their tiptoes, and you follow them. There is another knock on the door. Chen pushes one of the back walls, and it falls apart, leaving a portal to the hutong outside. She waves you and Yan Yan through first. "Don't look back!"
(link-reveal: "Then the gunshots begin.")[ They must have the house surrounded. Yan Yan pulls you away before you can catch a glimpse of the police or soldiers or whatever they were. You hear screaming. Taking a peek back you see Lin's body on the ground. They aren't wearing uniforms. One of them looks in your direction. Before they can see you Yan Yan pulls you away again, ducking into another narrow path. The sound of splashing is loud; they must have heard you. But they don't follow, or at least you don't notice them following.
Yan Yan runs towards the school, and you follow her. Maybe they really aren't following. Maybe you've lost them.
[[You hope your legs don't give out.]]]]
You can't pay attention to classes today. All you can think about is Yan, and the events that transpired yesterday. You try to think only about math, concentrate on the problems that you have to solve, keep your mind off her, focus on literally anything except Yan.
(if: $sleepTogether)[
Part of you is worried about the teachers. What if the teachers found out what you had done with her last night? What if you had been too loud, what if others had heard? If they found out would you be expelled?
But there are greater things to worry about.
]
(if: $yanFound or $lookForYan)[She's been fine all this time, right? She must have been attending the revolutionary meetings for a while now, and they must have been fine so far. But after the bombing, you're not so sure.](else:)[It must have something to do with the bombing that happened the day before. Yan Yan was somehow involved.]
Only now do you realize what it means. Yan Yan has killed people, and the authorities will be looking for her. What if they do discover her?
[[Wait|stay_at_school_2]]
You run, as Yan Yan pulls you along, back to the school gates. Both of you are soaked as you enter the dorm; the umbrella must have disappeared along the way. It was a warm rain, but you're shivering as you sit on the bunk. You're tired and hungry; Yan Yan gives you a piece of stale *bing*, and holds you close.
"Don't get the sheets too wet," you say. "It'll be hard to sleep in them."
Yan Yan looks like she's about to laugh. "We almost died and that's what you worry about?"
[["Do you think they'll keep looking for us?"]]
[["What do we do now?"]]"What do you want me to say? I know what I'm doing."
You want to kiss her goodbye, but she doesn't let you, gently pushing you away with an apologetic look in the eyes. She leaves the dorm with an umbrella. You follow her with your eyes until she leaves your sight, disappearing into the gray haze.
[[Go to school|stay_at_school]]
Yan Yan smiles. "Thanks," she says.
You want to kiss her goodbye, but she doesn't let you, gently pushing you away with an apologetic look in the eyes. She leaves the dorm with an umbrella. You follow her with your eyes until she leaves your sight, disappearing into the gray haze.
[[Go to school|stay_at_school]]
From the window you see a lone figure running through the gates. It's Yan. She walks to the dorm building, alone in the rain. Class ends. You tepidly wave goodbye to Mr. Wang and hurry back to the dorm.
Yan Yan lays on on the bunk, dripping wet and covered with mud. "What happened?", you ask.
She shakes her head. "It's bad. We've..."
You sit down next to her and hold her hand. "Your sheets are going to be dirty."
"I almost died and you're thinking about that?" Yan Yan chuckles, and coughs. You hold her closer. "Let me look out the window."
[[They're here.]] "Heavens, I hope not."
"What if they do?"
"Get out of here. Join the guerillas. Go to the free territory."
"Can we really do that?"
"We'd better."
Yan Yan gets up, and looks out the window.
[[They're here.]]
"How the hell am I supposed to know? "
"What would happen if the Japanese know our faces?"
"Well, then we have to get as far away as possible.
Yan Yan gets up, and looks out the window.
[[They're here.]]
It's a group of men wearing the uniforms of the collaborationist regime, escorted by a couple of Japanese. Each of them has a rifle slung on his back, with a bayonette. Miss Maxwell and Mr. Wang approach the gates. Mr. Wang studied in Japan, and Miss Maxwell has worked with the Japanese before, so they're always sent to deal with them.
You see what look like shouts. An argument. One of the Japanese raises. Miss Maxwell walks forward, and shouts something.
"Do you think they're talking about (if: $joinGroup)[us](else:)[you]?", you ask. Yan Yan shrugs.
After a few more rounds of shouting and pointing, the Japanese leave with Miss Maxwell in tow. Mr. Wang walks to the school, shoulders hung.
[["What just happened?"]]
Yan Yan sits back down on the bunk. "I don't know."
You sit down next to Yan. "Do you think the Japanese have gone?"
"I don't know."
"Were they looking for you?"
"I don't know."
Yan Yan holds your hand, and places her arm around your waist. The two of you sit just sit there, content to simply exist.
[[Continue|miss_maxwell_meeting]]Miss Maxwell comes back after a [[tense couple of days]], looking haggard, as if she aged years. She was the one who protected you and Yan all this time, bringing you to Yinghua, all the way to now. Somehow, you know that she saved (if: $joinGroup)[your lives](else:)[her life], once more.
You come back to the dorm after your math private lesson and see Yan Yan sitting on the chair.
"Aima is having an affair with the Japanese police commander. That's why I was spared."
(link-reveal: "\"What?\"")[
"Did you hear what I said? I'm only alive because our English teacher was fucking the enemy."
"How do you know?"
"Did you seriously not know? How else would this have happened? You've been in a bubble your whole life, with your rich intellectual parents and this fancy 'progressive' school. I'm not from that world. I shouldn't even be here. I don't want other people to save me anymore.(if: $joinGroup)[ And what's worse I dragged you into this mess too.]"
She pauses for a moment. "I don't even know what I'm talking about."
[["Stop that."]]
[["It's okay."]]
]
You could barely sleep, fearful that they would come back for Yan. Classes went by like a blur. Maybe you could have asked Mr. Wang about what happened, but you couldn't bring yourself to. Either way, he noticed that something was wrong, even if he didn't say anything.
[[Back|miss_maxwell_meeting]]"Stop that," you say. "Isn't that too self-centered?"
Yan Yan laughs. "That's dumb. What does that even mean?"
"It means that not everything people do is because of you."
"Of course. But either way I still have to take care of myself."
Yan Yan sighs. You don't know what to say anymore.
"And you know what the worst thing is?
[["What?"|last_bed]]"It's okay," you say. "There's nothing wrong with accepting help from others. That's why-"
"In your world you still expect people to cater to you. They've set you up with this place, what else do you need?"
"But-"
"People like me can't be like you. Someday I have to take care of myself again. That's how it always ends up being, right?"
"But I'll always be with you."
"What does that even mean?"
[["It means..."]]
You approach her from the back, and place a kiss on her neck. You expect her to resist, to twist away from you, to yell at you about this reactionary behavior, but she doesn't. Instead she stands up and turns around, facing you.
"Huh. I was going to confess first. Are you serious about this?"
(if: not $yanInitiates)["Was the first time not serious enough?"](else:)["I was serious the last time too."]
She kisses you on the lips. Lightning flashes and thunder rings, but you're safe here with her.
[[The thunderstorm drowns out your sounds.|become_lovers]]"I think I'm in love with you."
"Oh." You can't understand it, the emotions passing through you right now. Now, you can't contain it or deny it, or dismiss it as some momentary wave.
"So what do you think? I just declared my feelings. You can't just stand there like a log."
(if: not $yanInitiates)["Was the first time not serious enough?"](else:)["I was serious the last time too."]
You step forward, approaching her from the back, and place a kiss on her neck. Lightning flashes and thunder rings, but you're safe here with her. She turns around, and kisses you on the lips.
[[The thunderstorm drowns out your sounds.|become_lovers]]
"Does that mean we're lovers now?", you whisper into Yan's ears.
"I sure hope so."
The two of you lie on the bunk in each other's arms. The thunderstorm is still raging outside.
"Will we be together forever?"
"Maybe not forever, but for a long time."
[[Continue|part2_end]]
Christine looks fazed by the story of her great-grandmother.
"Um, forgive me, but did you two really, um,..."
Great-grandmother starts, "We were lovers, yes. Later we were separated, and then reunited. But that is a story for another time."
Christine's parents arrive, and come to take her away to meet with yet another relative. She gives great-grandmother a conspiratorial smile and wave.
[[Part 3]]
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[[Next|part_3_1]]Christine Zhang is 18 years old now. It is her second time back in China.
Great-grandmother is the first relative her family visits. She looks worse than before, sitting in the back seat of the breadloaf car with a blanket draped across her frail body.
"Christine," she says in English. "Do you still speak Chinese?"
"Yes, of course," Christine says. "Do you remember what we talked about last time?"
"My story? Yes. I'll keep on telling you about it."
[[Continue|part3_2]]August, 1945
The [[war|war_end]] has ended. Japan has lost. China has won. Or that's what the soldier who shows up to your school's door says. Chinese soldiers wearing the white sun on a blue sky enter the city en mass a few days later, marching through the streets to cheering crowds and flowers thrown all about (delivered specially for this occasion). People don't believe it. Yan Yan shakes her head; "The real war hasn't really started," she says.
The two of you are lovers now. Or something like that. You still don't know if she feels the same way that you do; perhaps you'll never know, but that doesn't matter.
Graduation day happens just as the war ends. The small band plays the school's anthem. The students march one by one, walking up to the front of the school yard to collect their diplomas.
"What will you do now?", Mr. Wang asks. "I can help you get into any university in China. Nankai, Tsinghua, Peking, they're all good. Maybe even abroad. I have colleagues who are in America right now."
But you aren't listening to him, not really.
[["Um, I don't know."]]
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</script>After the incident where Yan Yan was almost captured, she took no more part in the revolutionary activity. As far as you know; there were times when you didn't know where she was, and you never asked. The food situation didn't get any better, but it didn't get much worse, either. None of the students died of starvation in the past two years, but no one had fat faces anymore. You kept on going to class and studying, and you graduated with the top math grades in your class. Not so much with the other subjects, though.
Now, things have changed. For the first time in who knows how long China will be a single independent nation. But that doesn't matter much; people are saying that civil war is on the horizon. The Communists and Nationalists are already threatening each other again, threatening to abandon the hard won cooperation that came during the Japanese invasion. Meanwhile the country is still devastated. Tianjin is better off than most places, especially in the countryside where the back and forth of armies consumed the villages in fire and famine.
The school's warm embrace has shielded you from the world outside. Now it's all coming to an end, and you don't know what's next.
[[Back|part3_2]]
"Um, I don't know," you say.
"Well, that's fine. It'll be some time before things go back to normal. Until then, we'll try to keep things going the way they were."
Soon it's your turn to walk up to the podium. You wear an uncomfortable black gown, dredged up from the school's storage just for these occasions. On the podium the headmistress hands you the diploma, and you take a slight bow like you watched all the other girls do. You shake her hand, and she nods at you.
Soon all the remaining girls have officially graduated. Since the school is not officially taking new students yet, they're allowed to stay in the school's dorms for some time, just like the girls who graduated before them during the war. And you and Yan Yan will be staying with them. Until when, nobody knows.
[[Continue|graduation_2]]
After the graduation, you find yourself in a listless state. There are no more classes, but Mr. Wang still holds private math tutorials just for you. He finally has the opportunity to order math journals from the West, so that he can catch up on all the latest developments that he's been cut off from since the war began. You find a temporary job doing bookkeeping for the incoming Nationalist government, since now you have to pay rent to stay in the dorms. Mr. Wang pushes you to apply to universities. But you can't bring yourself to accept change. You're afraid that you'll lose Yan.
Yan Yan becomes more distant, as if she's trying to avoid you. She no longer whispers in your ear when you wake up. She averts your gaze and your touch, in your room and elsewhere. And at night, she pushes you away.
"What are you going to do now?", she asks you one winter night, as the snow falls outside. "How long are you going to stay in this place?:
"I don't know," you reply. "What do you want to do?"
"You don't always have to follow me, you know."
[["But want to stay with you."]]
[["Then what should I do instead?"]]
"But I want to stay with you."
"We can't stay together forever."
"Why not?"
Yan Yan sighs, exaggeratedly. "There are more important things in the world than me."
[["Like what?"]]
[["No, there arent."]]
"Then what should I do instead?"
"Go to university. Study. Get married."
"Without you? Never."
"There are more important things in the world than me."
[["Like what?"]]
[["No, there arent."]]
"What could possibly be more important?"
"I think the future of China is more important."
She sounds so serious that you resist the urge to laugh. "What does that mean?"
"It means that the long-suffering people finally have a chance for a different future. It's late. Let's sleep." Yan Yan does not say any more, and you close your eyes, letting Yan's words swirl and congeal in your mind.
[[When you wake up]]
"There's nothing more important to me than you."
"Really? If you really think so then let me go."
"What?"
"If you care about me, you'll respect my wishes."
"But why? Why do you want to leave?"
"To save the people. It's late. Let's sleep." Yan Yan does not say any more, and you close your eyes, letting Yan's words swirl and congeal in your mind.
[[When you wake up]]
Yan Yan is gone when you wake up. You look outside, and see footprints on the muddy gravel paths. You look on the desk, and see a folded up sheet of paper. It's covered with characters, and you read the first line.
"Goodbye. I really do love you. Don't look for me."
Yan Yan is a lying two-faced hypocrite. You are too. You should have been expecting this. Of course she would leave. What future could two women with no families possibly have? You continue reading. She's left to join the Communists and their revolution, because of course she has. Maybe that was where she has been missing all this time. She says that she's from a different world than you, that she always has been, that you can't possibly hope to understand the suffering that the ordinary people face. She has always been better at writing than you.
On the back of the page she wrote an address. "If you really do want to support the revolution ask for Mrs. Chen."
[[Look for her]]
[[Sit and cry]]
Yan Yan has disappeared. You have to find her, despite what she says. So you follow the address. The city is sluggish, its streets quiet, still picking itself up from the occupation. Yan's address leads you to a neighborhood north of the river, what was once a patch of prosperity outside of the foreign concessions. Its once-ornate apartments are decrepit now, with Nationalist soldiers patrolling the streets.
You knock on the door to what must be Mrs. Chen's address, a two-story beige apartment building. The wooden door swings open, and a woman with sharp eyes and graying hair stares at you.
(if: $joinGroup is true)["Mrs. Chen?" You immediately recognize her from your abortive meetings with Yan's anti-Japanese group two years ago.
She makes a barely perceptible smile. "Yes. That's me."](else-if: $yanFound is true)["Mrs. Chen?" She looks familiar, somehow. You think back to the your brief meeting with Yan's anti-Japanese group from two years ago. She was the group leader or something.
"Yes, that's me. What are you looking for?"](else:)["Mrs. Chen?"
The woman frowns. "Yes, that's me. What are you doing here, girl?"]
[["Yan Yan told me to look for you here."]]
Try as you might, you can't bring yourself to cry. You feel anger, sure, and resentment that she disappeared. But not sadness. Not yet. Instead, [[you try to put yourself in her mind.]] You think about the times you've had together, the good times and tur
bulent times, the world the two of you built. You thought that it could last, but in the end it was so fragile, so quick to fall apart.
So what can you do now?
[[Look for her]]
[[Let her go]] Mrs. Chen nods. (if: $joinGroup is true)["Yes, I remember the two of you were very close."](else:)["You must be her friend from school."] She beckons you inside. You follow her to a small garret in the back of the building, with only a single bed for comfort. "Did she tell you why she wanted you to find me?"
"She told me of," you begin, and look to Chen's eyes, unsure of whether to continue. "She said that to join the revolution I should look for you."
"And you want to join?"
"If she's there then..."
"No. It's not about her. What do you really want to do?"
[["I want to join."]]
[["I'm not sure."]]
"I want to join the Communist Party."
"You shouldn't have said that. If I were a spy I would have killed you. And there are other people in this building."
"Oh."
Mrs. Chen laughs. "So, do you want to join just because of Yan Yan or something else."
"I don't know."
"It's fine. We'll find your friend first."
[["Okay."]]
"I'm... well, I'm not sure."
"That's fine. You still want to look for your friend, right?"
"Yes."
"Then I can help you. We'll go look for her together, okay?"
[["Okay."]]
You really do come from a different world than her. What do you really know of the suffering of ordinary Chinese? While she was alone on the streets begging for scraps you were living with your parents eating white bread and meat. She said that she ran away from her family when they wanted to bind her feet, when she was only six. Your parents hated the old customs. If she hadn't bumped into you back during the invasion, she could very well have died by now, or worse. But what does she feel right now? Guilt, that she was able to survive because of an accident while others died?
Ultimately all that is simply speculation. Perhaps you never truly understood her.
[[Back|Sit and cry]]
Maybe it's best if you let her go.
Maybe it would be best if you simply forgot all about her. Forget about your feelings, bury them deep within the damp earth, pretend you never loved Yan Yan. Better yet, pretend that she never existed, or that she was simply some street child who died in a gutter, someone you've never met with no connection to you.
Can you bring yourself to do that?
[[Let her go|Let her go 2]]
[[Look for her]]
You can bring yourself to do that. You crumple up the note, no, tear it apart into bits until every character is illegible. You comb the room for every trace of her existence, and destory every last trace of her, of the time the two of you spent together. Now, finally, it's over. Now, finally, you can (link-reveal: "cry.")[
You hope no one hears your sobbing.
[[Live|Let her go 3]]
]
Not long after, the civil war breaks out. The Nationalists hold Tianjin, but everywhere else in China they are beaten back by the Communists in brutal fighting. There are more refugees, and the price of food spikes to even higher than it was during the war with Japan. All the while, you're still working for the Nationalist government, not because of any strength of conviction in their cause, but because you don't know what else you can do to get enough to eat. The men of the ministry give you menial, mind-numbing tasks, and you patiently carry them out. Stay quiet, work hard, and you'll be fine. Stay quiet, and no one will hurt you.
As they begin to see the end, the top Nationalists start to flee to Taiwan. Mr. Wang, who has been teaching at his old university, visits you one last time, offers you a place on a ship to Taiwan leaving Binhai Harbor on the month. You accept, and bid farewell to Tianjin forever.
*"But that can't be the end of it," Christine says, over the bouncing of the car. "I thought we were visiting Yan- I mean, great-grandmother- I mean, the other great-grandmother's grave. And how did you get back to China?"
Great-grandmother shakes her head. "No, it's not over. Let me finish."*
[[Continue|ending_taiwan_boat]]
You are on a ship to Taiwan. The sun is setting over the ocean, and you are outside, leaning against the rails. You're going far away, from Tianjin, from Yan, from everything you've ever known.
[[You're glad to be rid of it.|ending_taiwan_boat_2]]
[[You wish things had gone differently.|ending_taiwan_boat_2]]
"Xiaoyun." Mr. Wang approaches you, until his shoulder almost touches yours.
"What?"
"I..." He is acting differently, almost sheepishly. "I wanted to say that I've always enjoyed the times I spent with you."
You look at him curiously, and he continues. "I've cared about you ever since we first met. Wouldn't you like to continue to be together after we arrive at Taiwan?"
"What does that mean?" You feel your heart start to pound, and slowly edge away from him.
"I wished to say that I would like for you to marry me."
What are you supposed to do?
[[Reject him gently|reject_gently]]
[[Reject him angrily|reject_angrily]]
"I'm sorry. I am grateful for all you have done for me, but I cannot accept this." You swallow nervously, and avoid looking at his face.
"I understand." He moves away from you, returning to the cabin, without waiting for any more of your words. You breathe a sigh of relief.
[[Continue|taiwan_1]]
"Was that why you wanted to take me to Taiwan? Didn't you have a wife before?"
"We decided to divorce-"
"And why did you ask me? Have you really been looking at me ever since I was a child?"
"I'm sorry." He moves away from you, returning to the cabin, without waiting for any more of your words. You breathe a sigh of relief.
[[Continue|taiwan_1]]
Taiwan is a different place from what you're used to. Most of the people here speak a strange southern dialect, and some don't take too kindly to all the new arrivals pouring in from the mainland, with their guns and their gold. Some of them protest against the Nationalist Party, and they are met by the Nationalists with bullets.
You stay quiet through all this. You're good at staying quiet, laying low, burying your head in books. Mr. Wang did not resent you for your rejection enough to block your recommendation letters, so you start to attend university, studying math of course.
Then you attend graduate school, and somehow become accepted as a professor of mathematics. You gradually learn how to teach, how to communicate your visions to students. You even publish some. For a single woman in Taiwan, there is no better career.
[[But Yan always remains in your mind.]]
"Okay," you say.
"Why do you still trust me?", Mrs. Chen replies. "Do you even know anything about me? This is a dangerous world you're getting into."
"Yan Yan must have trusted you, so I do too."
Mrs. Chen chuckles. "That's fine. We'll leave for Shanxi in a few days. And, my son Zhiwen is coming with me. We're looking for someone as well. Will that be fine with you?"
"Yes."
[[Leave]]
Mrs. Chen escorts you outside, and you return to your old dorm. It feels empty back in the dorm, and you feel lonely, more than you ever did all these years.
Your wait for the departure passes by quickly. To make preparations, you tell your boss that you'll be leaving for you don't know how long. You've accumulated some savings of *fabi*, but inflation is looking to render all that useless, so you buy all the food and warm clothes you can.
Soon it's time for you to join [[Mrs. Chen and Zhiwen.]] They wait for you at the train station. The train is to Taiyuan, in Shanxi province. No trains run to Yan'an, the Communist home base, but Mrs. Chen tells you that Taiyuan is one of the closer cities.
[[Board the train]] Mrs. Chen looks sharp as before. The young man next to her must be her son, Chen Zhiwen. Both of them are wearing faded gray Zhongshan suits, and carrying satchels over their shoulders.
"You must be Zhang Xiaoyun," Zhiwen says. "My mother told me about you. We're looking for my brother, Zhixin. She thinks he's in the same place as your friend."
You avert his gaze, not knowing what to say. "Don't worry," Mrs. Chen says. "Zhiwen won't bother you."
Questions abound. Where is Chen's husband, or what happened to him? What does Mrs. Chen do for a living? How does Chen know that Yan and Zhixin are both in Shanxi?
You try to push the questions to the back of your mind. They aren't important anyhow.
[[Back|Leave]]
You follow Mrs. Chen and Zhiwen and step aboard the train, making your way to the hard seats.
You've never been on the train before in your life. Before the war your parents weren't exactly rich, and there weren't really any occasions when you needed to travel. The two Chens watch you with bemusement as you look out the window with wonder. It's almost a full day until the train reaches Taiyuan, hours of trying and failing to sleep on the uncomfortable seats, of eating the undercooked train food, of looking out at the trees and farmland and hills covered with yellow dirt, as the crowds embark and disembark.
[[Arrive at Taiyuan]]
You've never been more than a few *li* outside of Tianjin your whole life, so you don't know what to expect in this new city. The streets and buildings are much the same as back home, but just different enough to feel strange. The accents are strange too. The propaganda banners above the city proclaim its return to the motherland after 15 years in the clutch of the enemy. Just like in Tianjin, surrendered Japanese soldiers have been put back into service by the Nationalists.
"So what do we do now?", Zhiwen asks. "Just go up to people and ask 'Hey, are you a communist?'"
Mrs. Chen takes her son's hand. "I know where we have to look."
"Where?"
"There are villages where the Communists are governing. Between here and Yan'an is where the border lies. They are gathering their strength." Mrs. Chen turns to you. "Will you come with us? Your friend is probably along the way."
[[Follow Chen]]
"Fine. I'll follow you."
"Good," Mrs. Chen says, putting her hand on your shoulder. "We'll leave tomorrow. It's better if we all stick together; these days no one is safe."
The three of you stay one night with one of Chen's aquaintances in the city, sleeping in one cramped room with mats on the floor. Mrs. Chen looks over maps, while Zhiwen reads a novel.
[[Talk to Zhiwen]]
[[Talk to Mrs. Chen]]
[[Stay by yourself]]
"What book are you reading?", you ask Zhiwen.
He sighs, and closes his book, hiding it in his bag.
"Why are you spending so much effort looking for this friend of yours?", he asks. "Shouldn't you be taking care of your family?"
[[She's the only family I have.]]
[[I love her.]]
"Do you know exactly where we're going?", you ask.
"Songjiakou. A few tens of *li* west of here."
"Why there in particular?"
"Because I know people there. They can help us find what we need."
You want to know more details, but she doesn't seem to be in the mood to explain.
[[Next morning]]
You take out a math textbook from Mr. Wang and start reading. It's a recent translation from the Russians, something about new developments in the theory of probability. Most of it goes over your head, but you learn a few new things about metric spaces. Zhiwen looks over your shoulder curiously. You try to explain a few things to him, but it's futile.
[[Next morning]]You push Yan Yan into the back of your mind and purchase a train ticket back to Tianjin. Your whole life stretches before you, but you can't imagine what there is to do. So you resume your old job, rebuild your old routine. There is no future, only the murky comfort of habit.
[[Until that day.|reunion_tianjin]]
(set: $taiyuan to 0)Maybe it would be better to stay in Taiyuan, since wherever Yan Yan is, she would probably be closer to here than anywhere else you could go. Somehow you still think of her.
You find another record keeping job for Yan Xishan's Nationalist government, and a small apartment. This city is smaller, more rustic, less bustling than Tianjin was even during the occupation. There is no future here, only the murky comfort of habit.
[[Until that day.|reunion_taiyuan]]"She's the only family I have."
"Oh? What do you mean by that?"
"I haven't seen my parents for eight years. Same for the rest of my family."
"And what about her? Have you thought that if she were a man, or if you were a man, you would marry?"
You flinch, and he notices. "Was I right?" He sighs. "I had my suspicions about you. Maybe we're not that different."
You don't know what to say, so you avoid Zhiwen and take out your math textbook. But for some reason you feel more at ease now.
[[Next morning]]
"Oh? What do you mean by that?"
"I, um,..."
"Have you thought that if she were a man, or if you were a man, you would marry?"
You flinch, and he notices. "Was I right?" He sighs. "I had my suspicions about you. Maybe we're not that different."
You don't know what to say, so you avoid Zhiwen and take out your math textbook. But for some reason you feel more at ease now.
[[Next morning]]It's time for the three of you to leave Taiyuan. Winter is cold and dry, with a bitterly cold breeze greeting you as you leave the city in the morning. You hitch along a truck for part of the way, to the county seat, but you have to walk the rest of the way, at least ten *li*, through a winding snow-dusted dirt path.
The lines between the Communist guerillas and Nationalist armies are fluid, as-of-yet undemarcated, and somewhere along the way you passed that line. Even when you arrive in the village, only Mrs. Chen's words let you know that the village of [[Songjiakou]] is ruled by the Communists.
[[Follow Mrs. Chen|cadre_visit]]
Songjiakou is a village of around a few hundred, a cluster of flat red brick houses with tiled roofs, separated by dirt paths. It's nestled between two terraced loess hills, and surrounded by fields of wheat, covered by thin layer of snow.
[[Back|Next morning]]
"We're going to visit the local cadre," Mrs. Chen says. "He's someone I know."
You follow the Chens to a brick building. The [[Communist cadre]] greets Mrs. Chen with a handshake and smile, while you and [[Zhiwen|zhiwen_cadre]] stand back. She introduces you as a cousin's daughter. After the requisite greetings, he asks, "What business do you have in Songjiakou?"
"We're looking for my son, and my niece," she says. "They went to Yan'an, and we haven't heard anything since the end of the war."
The cadre leans back, and eyes the three of you, lingering his eyes on [[Zhiwen|zhiwen_cadre]]. "Okay. All I can do is ask the higher-ups in the Party. Maybe you can travel to Yan'an sometime. Until then, please stay here."
"Thank you."
[[Continue|village_2]]
His name is Tang, a young, dark-skinned, and clean-shaven man, wearing an olive cap. He must have known Mrs. Chen from before, given the air of familiarity that passes between them. You don't question what their relationship is.
[[Back|cadre_visit]]
Zhiwen twitches as he sees the cadre, as if in recognition. The cadre looks at him, and then moves on, as if not noticing him. Then Zhiwen tries to look away, but keeps staring back at him.
[[Back|cadre_visit]]
The three of you stay in a small empty house in the village, with one bed heated by fire from below, crowded with three people sleeping on it. Mrs. Chen buys food for you at the village market. She and Zhiwen visit the cadre sometimes, but there hasn't been any progress in finding Yan Yan or Zhixin's whereabouts. You're not sure if Mrs. Chen still cares, but when you ask she always says that she's still asking around. And it's not as if you could find her yourself; you would hardly know where to start.
One morning after the Western New Year, but before the Chinese New Year, you find yourself alone in the house when you wake up. The Chens must have left to go somewhere.
"Come see us at Comrade Tang's house," read the note in Zhiwen's handwriting.
[[Go to the cadre's house]]
[[Stay home]]
It's cold outside, with clouds coming out of your mouth with each breath. On the way to the cadre's house, you see a commotion. A crowd has gathered in an open space just past the houses. You hear angry shouting.
[[Investigate|Go to the meeting]]
[[Continue to the cadre's house]]
Perhaps staying put is the safest option right now. You pick up a book and try to read. But soon Mrs. Chen enters the house.
"It's time for us to leave," she says. "It's not safe to stay here anymore."
"Why? Where are we going now?"
"It doesn't matter. We're going to get Zhiwen. Then back to Taiyuan, and maybe Tianjin."
[[Follow Mrs. Chen]]
The villagers are gathered here, packed into a barren field with a makeshift stage at the center. On the stage a man stands, head bowed, hands tied with rope behind his back. A man you presume is a cadre, a different man from Tang, begins to speak.
"Let us hear accusations now. If you have any come forward."
And the accusations come. The landlord is accused of many things. Collaborating with the Japanese. Hoarding grain while others were starving.
"Now, what do you say in your defense?"
The landlord attempts to speak, his words drowned out by the shouts of the crowd.
They hang the noose around his neck. There is cheering. [[You look away.]]
As you stand outside you overhear voices coming from the house, Zhiwen's soft but agitated voice, and Cadre Tang's deep and calm voice. Their voices are indistinct, but you can detect their agitation.
Mrs. Chen walks up to you, taking you by surprise. "Let's get Zhiwen. We have to go."
[["What's happening?"]]
Something drops. More screaming. Running. The cadre fires his pistol. The landlord's family members (they must be family members; no one else would defend him) scatter and run, out of the village. With this Songjiakou is cleansed of reactionary influence for now.
You see Mrs. Chen walking towards you. She grabs you and whisks you away from the crowd.
[["What's happening?"]]
"What's happening?", you ask.
"War," Mrs. Chen says. "I don't think it's safe for us to stay in this town anymore."
"So where are we going now?"
"To get Zhiwen. Then back to Taiyuan, and maybe Tianjin."
[[Enter Cadre Tang's house]]
Mrs. Chen knocks on the door, and Cadre Tang answers.
"Zhiwen, we're leaving here. Xiao Tang, come with us if you want to survive."
Zhiwen gives his mother a look of defiance. Then Tang pats his shoulder, and whispers something in his ear. Zhiwen sighs, and turns to face Mrs. Chen.
"Let's go," he says.
[[Leave the village]]
You follow Mrs. Chen through the village to Cadre Tang's house. In the distance you hear the clamor of loud voices, as if everyone in the village have gathered. Mrs. Chen puts her hand on your shoulder.
"Don't look. Follow me," she says.
[[Enter Cadre Tang's house]]As the four of you head east, you pass by a group of trucks carrying soldiers wearing the Nationalist sun. As you climb on a rise you look back, and see the [[mass of villagers]] confronting the Nationalists. It must be a massacre, as you see dots of red and flashes and hear the pops of gunshots.
[[You can't look away.]]
But Mrs. Chen pulls you away. Zhiwen glances daggers at his mother, while she pretends to be unaware.
A Nationalist truck waits for you when you return to the main road. The soldier beckons your group to get on. You have an [[inkling]] of what has transpired, but no one utters a word.
[[Back to Taiyuan]]
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</script>You and Mrs. Chen separate once you arrive in the city. You've taken advantage of her generosity for too long, and you're still no closer to finding Yan. The three of them separate from you with barely a goodbye. So what now?
[[Go back to Tianjin]]
[[Stay in Taiyuan]]
(set: $taiyuan to 1)So when the flights between Taiwan and the mainland resume, you become one of the first to go, for even the infinitesimal probability of seeing her once more.
[[Return to Tianjin|taiwan_tianjin]]
You do not expect to find her, even as you look through the phone book and all the directories you can find.
[[But you do.]]
When you see her, it's [[unmistakeable.]]
What happened? What was it like, gazing into her eyes after fourty years of separation? What did she say? What did you say? Did it really matter?
What happened, long story short, was that the two of you reunited. You stayed in Tianjin, moved in with Yan, "adopted" her children and in turn adopted by them. Somehow it worked out; she must have taught her children well.
[[*"And on the day *you* were born, she passed away."*|graveyard]]
Christine follows the relatives along the dirt path, with one arm holding great-grandmother. Great-grandmother is surprisingly strong; she walks without much need for Christine's assistance, even as the path is entirely uphill. Leaves and branches brush against her jacket. The path is long and winding, through the tree-covered hillside above the village. By the time they arrive at the small grave site, Christine is already out of breath, although great-grandmother seems fine.
The uncle lights the paper, putting it into an urn in front of the tombstone. Sweet smelling smoke rises before the fire is doused out by the rain, and the paper gets soaked. Some of the uncles chuckle. Great-grandmother bows, and the other relatives bow with her. [[Christine imitates them.]]
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</script>Christine bows, while looking at great-grandmother. She wears a slight smile, and closes her eyes as she bows. Everyone is soaked by the rain, and tired after the climb. But they continue to stand there, heads bowed. Great-grandmother might be crying; it's impossible to tell in the rain.
With a wave of the hand, great-grandmother lifts her head, and beckons the rest of the family to go back. The rain starts to subside. Rays of sunlight peak through the clouds, accompanying the family on their way down the hill. Christine holds great-grandmother's arm, and neither of them speak a word.
## *End*
The mass of villagers look like ants in the distance. You can barely make out their faces from your distance. Some of them run towards the soldiers. The soldiers fire, and the villagers fall. They scatter, and the sound of gunfire scatters like firecrackers.
[[Back|Leave the village]]*"*
[[Back|"What's happening?"]]Great-grandmother pauses. The van has long since left the city, passing by villages of red brick houses and fields still tilled by animals. In the horizon a mountain range is visible, but the road remains on flat ground.
"What does that mean?", Christine asks. "What happened?"
Great-grandmother does not speak up. An uncle chimes up. "All spies," he says. Someone else laughs.
[[Sometime later great-grandmother continues.|You can't look away.]]
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</script>At first you think it to be an apparition, or a mirage conjured up by your imagination playing tricks amidst the morning fog. But you step closer. It is her. It must be.
[[Speak|reunion_2]]
At first you think it to be an apparition, or a mirage conjured up by your imagination playing tricks amidst the spring rains. But you step closer. It is her. It must be.
[[Speak|reunion_2]]
You walk up to her, and as you get closer you see that she is staring at you, not moving. She wears a communist uniform, an olive suit caked with dirt.
(link-reveal: "She notices you.")[
"Yanyan?" you mouth, your voice barely a whisper.
(link-reveal: "You walk closer to her, close enough to touch.")[
"What happened?", you ask. It's a dumb question, but it's all you can say.
[["Things happened."|reunion_3]]
]]
Her voice is quiet. She's not moving, only staring at you with a blank expression.
You walk closer. She doesn't move away. Her body is different, no longer as thin as she was during the war. Her eyes are expressionless, and trained straight at you.
(link-reveal: "You're surprised when you start to laugh.")[
Perhaps you're nervous, or everything is ridiculous. You laugh at everything. You laugh at the sound of your own laughter, and the confused look on her face. Soon she even starts to smile, perhaps against her will.
After you've calmed down, you feel as if you should say something.
[["Where have you been?"|reunion_where]]
[["Do you want to come with me?"|reunion_come]]
]
"Back home," she says. "But I decided to leave again."
"Oh, really?" It occurs to you that you still don't know where her "home" is.
"I've been around. All sorts of places. Do you want to hear about it?"
You nod, and the two of you sit down at a bench. [[She starts to speak.|reunion_convo]]
She laughs. "Things have changed, you know. Don't you want to know what's happened to me first?"
You nod, and the two of you sit down at a bench. [[She starts to speak.|reunion_convo]]
"My father is dead. I killed him. I'm pregnant. I killed the father." She starts to laugh. "I've killed a lot of people. And I don't regret any of it. What does that make me?"
She looks at you. You're not sure if she wants you to say something, and if so what should you say. Her words pass through your brain like so much noise. You're not sure if you should be surprised by anything anymore.
"Do you want to hear more?", she asks.
[[You nod, not knowing what else to do.|reunion_convo_2]]
She begins her story. She joined the Communist Party. She went to her old family's village. Her father was a landlord and they killed him. She didn't care; he hurt her when she was younger. They went elsewhere, to other villages, purging them of their reactionary elements, and fighting with Nationalist supporters.
There weren't many women in the front. She got with one of the comrades. You wince, and she laughs. He was persistent, and kept pressing her until she said yes. She didn't really care about him in particular. Or so she says.
The comrade got hungry with power. Maybe that's what he always wanted. He tried to force himself on a villager, and she shot him. No way she could stay in the Party after that. Who would believe a woman over their beloved comrade?
[[You listen in silence, trying to take it all in.|reunion_convo_3]]
"Are you still in love with me?", she finally asks.
[["Yes."]]
[["No."]]
[["Does it matter?"]]
(set: $yan_love to 2)
She smiles as if to herself. You're not sure if she looks surprised.
"So what now?", she asks. "What do you want to do?"
[["Go... somewhere, I guess."|reunion_live_with]]
[["I don't know."|reunion_unknown]]
You glance away. After being separated for so long, you can't look at her the same way again. Perhaps your feelings have dissipated. Or perhaps something is still left.
She smiles, and stands up. "I'm not surprised. What will you do now?"
[["I still want to live with you, if that's alright."|reunion_live_with]]
[["I don't know."|reunion_unknown]]
[["Go somewhere far away, probably."|reunion_go_away]]
(set: $yan_love to 0)
She smiles. "Not really. But what do you want to do now?"
[["I still want to live with you, if that's alright."|reunion_live_with]]
[["I don't know."|reunion_unknown]]
[["Go somewhere far away, probably."|reunion_go_away]]
(set: $yan_love to 1)
"Where can we go?", she asks.
"I..." You don't know what to say, but you take hold of her hand. You're not ready for this, for whatever may lie ahead.
(if: $yan_love is 2)[But you love her. And maybe she loves you. But will that be enough?](else:)[Even though your feelings for her have changed, even if you don't know what your feelings are anymore, you still want to remain in her presence, perhaps because you know nothing else.]
Yan Yan laughs. "I know a place where we might stay."
[[You follow her to wherever it may be.|together]]
(if: $yan_love >= 1)["So you want me to decide?", Yan Yan asks. You make a vague shrug.
"Then I know a place where we might stay."
[[You follow her to wherever it may be.|together]]](else:)["So what more do we have to do here?", Yan Yan asks.
"I don't know."
She stands up and turns away from you. [[You don't expect to ever see her again.|apart]]]
Yan Yan stands up. "Then what else do we have to do here?"
[[You don't expect to ever see her again.|apart]]
Yan Yan wants you to study, and she would accompany you. You can attend any university of your choice in China, but you choose to stay in Tianjin, because it's the only home you've ever known. She works in a factory while you attend university; it's horribly unfair, but she simply smiles. Her belly swells as spring and then summer arrives, and soon she gives birth to a baby boy. Among the bourgeois it would be scandalous to have a child without a father, but it's not as if the two of you have been a part of that society. You help to take care of him, and soon he sees you as a second mother.
The civil war has already started. Tianjin is squarely in Nationalist territory, but it's clear to all that they're losing. As the enemy approaches, top Nationalist supporters emigrate to Taiwan. Mr. Wang, your old high school teacher turned professor, offered you a place in Taiwan, but there was no way you'd abandon Yan Yan.
[[Soon the People's Republic of China is proclaimed.|together_2]]
The civil war has already started, and you're alone.(if: $taiyuan is 0)[](else:)[ You make your way back to Tianjin, since that's the only place where you know anyone.] The Nationalists hold Tianjin and the major cities for now, but everywhere in China they are beaten back by the Communists in brutal fighting. There are more refugees, and the price of food spikes to even higher than it was during the war with Japan. All the while, you're still working for the Nationalist government, not because of any strength of conviction in their cause, but because you don't know what else you can do to get enough to eat. The men of the ministry give you menial, mind-numbing tasks, and you patiently carry them out. Stay quiet, work hard, and you'll be fine. Stay quiet, and no one will hurt you.
As they begin to see the end, the top Nationalists start to flee to Taiwan. Mr. Wang, who has been teaching at his old university, visits you one last time, offers you a place on a ship to Taiwan leaving Binhai Harbor on the month. You accept, and bid farewell to Tianjin forever.
*"But that can't be the end of it," Christine says, over the bouncing of the car. "I thought we were visiting Yan- I mean, great-grandmother- I mean, the other great-grandmother's grave. And how did you get back to China?"
Great-grandmother shakes her head. "No, it's not over. Let me finish."*
[[Continue|ending_taiwan_boat]]
The two of you move to a village in Hebei province, where you work as a middle school teacher, where the two of you can live free of watchful eyes. Some wondered why two women would live together; you claimed to be Yan Yan's sister-in-law, and claimed that your families were killed in the war (this last part was not a lie). Most of them accepted this. They offered their pity.
Yan Yan became friendly and popular in the village. She was always magnetic in her own way. When the times of starvation and strife came, the two of you and her (your?) son were protected by the villagers. You would be eternally grateful.
The years passed by. You grew older along with her, together in the small existence you carved out. You raised her son, named Zhang Yongyou. He had a family of his own, and called you his mother, and his children called you grandmother.
*[[Great-grandmother closes her eyes.|graveyard]]*